Box Full Of Darkness
by Lizziekat15
Summary: Takes place in Alexandria shortly after Rick and company arrive. Seems each story I write is getting darker and more full of angst and drama and unhappiness. This is the third story I have going on right now, so postings may not always be regular. But I'll try. I own nothing of the TWD or it's characters.
1. Chapter 1

_Someone I loved once gave me_  
 _a box full of darkness._

 _It took me years to understand_  
 _that this, too, was a gift._

 _The Uses of Sorrow by Mary Oliver_

I read this poem in a story by a fantastic and amazing writer on AO3, dynamicsymmetry. I'd never heard of this poet, I'm not one for reading poetry. But this poem touched something dark and deep inside me. And I started writing this story in part because of the poem. I also got the idea from another writer here on Fanfiction, Mistyeye. She mentioned the rumor of a female character on season 6 of TWD that could maybe possibly be an interest for Daryl. So that along with the above poem is what started this story unraveling in my head. Hope you enjoy.

Box Full of Darkness

Chapter 1

Rick's group had arrived in Alexandria and each of them had their meeting with Deanna at which they are told they must each meet at least once with the community counselor. Which just makes each of them groan and moan and complain.

Each person, over the course of the next three weeks sees the counselor and comes back gushing about her. She's not pushy, not a know it all, in fact she's told each one of them that if they want to continue to come talk to her fine, if not that's fine as well. Each person tells Daryl privately that he should talk to this woman-Olivia Buckley-because she's really nice, not like a doctor at all and maybe she can help him.

No one says out loud what they hope she can help Daryl with-his intense, unrelenting grief and guilt over Beth's death. They are all worried about him. He's never been talkative-now they rarely get even a grunt out of him. He's never seemed to need much sleep-now he has bags under bags under circles under his eyes and some days he seems to be asleep on his feet with his eyes wide open. He rarely eats. He's never been a big man, but he's rapidly become gaunt.

Daryl has waved them each away impatiently. He doesn't need to talk to anyone. He's fine. His life has always been shit, it always will be shit. He thought there for a brief time with Beth he might find a tiny bit of happiness, contentment to ease the constant ache in his soul –but he lost Beth then lost her again permanently when she was shot and died. He doesn't like to sleep because he just keeps reliving that goddam moment over and over. It never changes, he never gets to save her even in his dreams.

So he goes about the daily business of putting one foot in front of the other, going outside the wall sometimes for two or three days at a time to hunt-or so he says. It's really about getting away from the walls and the strangers and the feeling that he's going to suffocate or come completely unhinged in there. He wasn't raised in a house that had schedules and rules and regular meals and clean clothes and smiling faces. He doesn't know how to deal with that. Especially now when he knows it's all an illusion, that this all could vanish at any moment and they'd all be back outside the walls trying to survive from day to day.

Another week goes by, another week of worried looks cast his way. Murmurs of concern as he walks through the house or on the street. Which only makes him feel more restless, angry, anxious. He's smoking more in an attempt to defuse this nervous energy he has now, but it's not helping. He thinks briefly about getting hold of a bottle and just getting shit house drunk-but what if there was an emergency? What if walkers got in? What if because he was drunk one of his people got killed or injured? No, he didn't need any more guilt to carry around with him than he already had.

It's a clear night, everyone's asleep in his house. They're still all in one house, not quite comfortable enough yet to split up into two or even three houses. They are however sleeping better-not as many nightmares, sleeping more deeply. He often wanders about the house-he's quiet, no one hears him. He wanders from room to room, floor to floor, checking on everyone. He feels like he's the groups guard dog-that although they've let their guard down, he hasn't. And because they know he hasn't they feel safe, they can sleep knowing he's awake and alert and on watch.

He goes outside and starts to wander the streets. It's midnight, the entire town is sleeping except for those on watch at the wall. And there are too few of those on watch in his opinion. He lights a cigarette and wanders down random streets. He's been pretty much everywhere in this town, nosed around buildings and examined the wall and its supports extensively. But there are a few streets he hasn't really paid much attention to. They have smaller houses, back to one side of the community. Maybe the first houses they built before whoever was in charge got the brilliant idea that an experimental community should be full of McMansions when smaller houses would have allowed more people to reside there. He shook his head in disgust. It figured that it would take the end of the world before he could live in a sturdy house with running water and lights, enough food so he wouldn't go hungry, and nice furniture and soft beds.

He continued to wander aimlessly, smirking at the thought of what ol' Merle would have to say about all this. And then, as always, his mind slid to Beth. Beth would've loved this place. She would have felt safe, happy. He would've been happy watching her be happy. The ache that never goes away flares up and he stops, his chest tight and burning with all the unshed tears in him. How he can have any left is beyond him. He's spent whole days outside the wall just crying for hours, making noises he'd only ever heard animals make when they were caught in a trap. Everything he's been through in his goddam life, and he'd never felt this –there wasn't even a word he could call to mind what this was. Pain worse than any physical pain he'd ever experienced. Most times he has to stuff something in his mouth to keep from screaming out loud. It wasn't just the walkers hearing him that he feared-he was starting to be sure that if he ever started screaming he would never stop.

As he stood trying to breathe, trying not to just fall to his knees and start screaming, he heard something. He immediately looked about, alerting to his surroundings. He tried to concentrate to tell what direction the noise had come from. It sounded like…water? Splashing?

He strode cautiously in the direction he thought the sound was coming from. He crossed a few lawns of the smaller houses and came to stand at a fence surrounding the back yard of one of the smaller of the small houses. He leaned forward slightly, slowing his breathing and frowning in concentration. Yes, that was splashing he'd heard. Not loud, not constant. It sounded almost like…he took a step closer to the fence and looking at it realized it was a privacy fence. The kind he'd seen at houses where folks had …..pools. His mouth dropped open momentarily. A pool? Here? He didn't remember seeing any pool here anywhere-although to be fair he hadn't looked in every single back yard of every single house.

Intrigued he looked around for something to boost himself up on so he could peer over the fence. He noticed a tree with some branches hanging over the fence into the yard and quickly crossed to it and grabbing the lower branch swung himself up on it. From here he could see clearly into the yard, and to his vast surprise there was indeed a pool. A very small in-ground pool, but a pool just the same. Not really big enough to do any laps in, not a lot of people would be able to swim in it at one time. But a pool. There were candles lit all around the cement surrounding the pool but the pool was still left partially in shadow. He heard the splashing again and he saw someone stepping out of the pool. He squinted and edged quietly along the branch to get a closer look.

It seemed to be a woman and she seemed to be alone. Of a sudden Daryl's face flushed red and he averted his eyes-she appeared to be skinny dipping. He felt a rush of embarrassment and swiftly crept backward on the branch and hopped down to the ground. He didn't want anyone to find him watching a stranger skinny dipping-he already had people shaking their heads about him and wanting him to see a counselor. He sure didn't need to be caught peeping at somebody.

Daryl walked quickly back to the street and rapidly distanced himself from the house. He made his way back to his group's house, only to find Carol sitting on the front steps. What the hell was she doing up in the middle of the night? He frowned in irritation. He'd gotten beyond tired already of her acting like she was his mom or big sister. He knew she did it out of concern for him, thought of him as her friend. But he didn't need anyone watching over him or correcting him or worrying over him. He'd done just fine without anyone coddling him all his life-he damn sure didn't need or want anyone doing so at this late stage.

He came to stand in front of her, and lit a cigarette-an obstinate look on his face in advance of what he thought she would say to him. To his surprise, Carol just looked at him and then rose and went back inside the house. Well. How about that? Daryl sighed with relief, and settled himself on the step Carol had just abandoned. As he smoked, his mind started to wander back to that house. And that pool. And that naked woman swimming in it. He was intrigued, curious, interested. For the first time in weeks. Unconsciously he smiled at the thought of having something to think about other than Merle and Beth and his grief.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Two days later and he's still not sure who lives in that house and who was skinny dipping in the middle of the night. It's not like he can just ask somebody –how to explain that he was wandering down that street in the middle of the night and heard splashing and climbed up a tree and saw some woman skinny dipping. No, that wouldn't do. He'd have to apply his tracking and hunting skills to this mystery. Start paying attention to conversations around him. Listen for clues.

Daryl started paying more attention to the folks he saw in the various "businesses" around town. The bakery, butcher, the garden and the folks who tended it. The horses and cows and pigs and the folks who tended them. The chickens-who fed them. Within a few days he became far more familiar with who and what was going on in this town than he had in the previous month. Not that he was on first name basis with anyone or anything like that. But he could place each person with what they did and where they lived.

The fourth day after his peeping excursion, he was sitting on the front steps of the house cleaning his bow. He intended on going outside the wall the next day for some alone time. He looked up to see a woman walking with Rick toward their house. His eyes widened. He hadn't seen this person before. He thought he'd seen pretty much everyone within these walls by now-but no, he hadn't seen this woman before. He studied her silently as she and Rick walked.

She was tall for a woman, not as tall as Rick or him, but pretty close. He'd bet she could just about look him in the eye without much trouble. She was curvy but fit. She was wearing shorts and he could see her long legs-lord she had some legs-were muscled but trim. Her hair was loose and fell down her back in a cascade of chestnut curls. She was slightly tanned-he found that odd. Who had time to lie around and soak up the sun now? Most of his group had something of a tan but it was because they'd been tramping around out in the sun for months on end. The folks that they had met in Alexandria had all been pale, their skin smooth and untouched by the elements. He noticed with a start that she had sunglasses on. He hadn't seen anyone with sunglasses on in he didn't know how long. He had lost his last pair long ago, before the prison had fallen. Altogether, she was definitely someone who caught his interest and prodded his curiosity.

Rick and the woman came to stop in front of Daryl and he remained silent, wondering warily what this was about. Rick smiled, the woman didn't and that surprised Daryl as well. He was long acquainted with fake polite smiles, Alexandria was full of them. The fact that this woman wasn't pretending to be polite made him take a second look at her.

Rick waved a hand in the woman's direction. "Daryl, this is Olivia Buckley. She's the community counselor we told you about." Daryl immediately grimaced. Oh great. He hadn't gone to see this woman and now they were going to bring her here and make him talk to her. Well, bullshit. He wasn't having any of it. Even if she was interesting to look at. And hey, where did that thought come from?

Daryl rose and blew out a huff in aggravation. To his surprise the woman laughed. Not a laugh like Beth's, a delicate sound like bells. But a deep, throaty laugh of a woman who enjoyed cigarettes and whiskey and who knew what else. He stopped in his ascent up the stairs and half turned around back toward Rick and that woman.

"What the fuck are you laughin' at?" he spit out, trying to sound even more surly than usual, if that were at all possible.

She laughed again and smiled –a genuine smile, not a smirk. "Not at you. Just, the look on your face is probably the same look I had when Deanna insisted Rick drag me over here to meet you." Daryl raised a brow in confusion.

Rick smiled and spread his hands. "Yeah, this wasn't her idea or mine. Deanna insisted that I bring Olivia here to meet you. Since you haven't gone to see her yet."

Daryl turned to face them completely and grunted. "So ya didn't wanna meet me?" He wasn't surprised by that, not many people wanted to have anything at all to do with him.

"Oh, I don't mind meeting you. But I don't like being forced to do anything. Makes me feel like a damn kid in school. You know, when you'd be the new kid in school and the teacher would make you stand up and say your name and where you were from. Always pissed me off," she replied.

Daryl nodded and sat back down. Well, this was different.

"Anyway, now we've met. And now I'm going home to lay out."

Daryl shot her a glance. "Lay out?" he ventured.

She smiled again. "Yeah, I was lucky enough to get a house with one of the few pools. It's a really small house, but it's just me there so I didn't care. No one else wanted it because it's so small-but it has a pool. So I didn't really care how small it was –I can swim anytime I want."

Daryl noted she was practically beaming at the thought of the pool. And he was pretty sure now that this was the woman he'd seen skinny dipping. Daryl began rubbing his hand over his chin meditatively. "You don't say. A pool. Didn't know they had any pools here," he said quietly.

"There's only a few houses that have them. Most of the people who have one don't keep them up, they drained them and let them go. Lazy," she shook her head in disgust.

Daryl hummed in response. "So where is yer house?" he blurted out, and turned beet red. Real smooth.

But Olivia seemed not to notice. "Over on Chopin Street. It's the oldest area of the development. One of the first houses they built. Before they decided to make it an experimental development and built McMansions to lure wealthier families here."

Rick had been quiet this whole time, watching Daryl and Olivia. He was by now used to all of Daryl's ticks and mannerisms, and he could see that this woman had made Daryl curious. That alone made him grateful for Deanna insisting that he take Olivia to meet Daryl.

"Olivia said we're all welcome to come swim anytime we want. She has solar panels so the pool stays warm all year round. She said to bring the kids and she has a grill so we could cook out," Rick said, hoping to keep Daryl on the steps.

"Oh, you can all come over anytime you want, no need for a formal invitation," Olivia added.

Daryl raised a brow at this. Really? Any time? "Wouldn't wanna interrupt anythin'" he grunted, eyeing her closely under his shaggy bangs.

To his surprise she just shrugged. "I doubt you'd be interrupting anything ever. I don't lead a very interesting life here," she replied and turning she headed off toward her house.

Rick looked closely at Daryl. Yes, he could see Daryl was curious about Olivia. He decided to keep his mouth shut and let Daryl figure it out for himself.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

A week went by with no sign of Olivia anywhere. Daryl found himself wandering the streets at all hours trying to figure out where her "office" would be and what exactly she did when she wasn't "talking" to folks about their "feelings". He found himself standing on the edge of her lawn at night, watching the sky and listening for any splashes that would signal somebody (Olivia) was in the pool. Maybe skinny dipping. But he wasn't about to climb that tree again to see if anyone was. Swimming that is.

He was standing on her lawn, gazing at the stars and the moon overhead when he heard a sound. He looked about him trying to discern the source for the noise.

"Psst, hey," he heard someone call softly. He looked around in confusion. "Over here, Daryl. It is Daryl right?" he heard again. He looked over toward Olivia's house and saw her standing in the window facing the side yard. She had pulled the window up-it was one of those windows that went from the ceiling to the floor and she was standing in it like it was some sort of doorway. He heard her laugh. "Is the view from my lawn better than yours?"

He shrugged, embarrassed at having been caught standing in her yard in the middle of the night. "Just wanderin' round. Cain't sleep," he mumbled, and then bit his lip. This was practically babbling for him.

"Do you want to come in? Or you could go swimming? I swim when I can't sleep. I was just about to jump in." She stood there in what he could now see was a very small bathing suit under a loose robe of some type. He cleared his throat and shifted about nervously. No way in hell he was getting in a pool with her dressed like that. He didn't need to be any more embarrassed tonight than he already was.

He shook his head, hesitating. "Well do you want to smoke with me? We can sit by the pool." Her and her damn pool. But he did want to smoke. He'd just smoked his last one and had forgotten to bring another pack with him. Maybe she'd have a better brand than he'd been smoking. Apparently when the shit hit the fan survivors had hoarded the better brand of cigarettes to ride out the apocalypse with since most of the brands he'd scavenged had been the cheapest ones around. God he missed Marlboros.

He nodded and stepped carefully toward her. She moved aside and he stepped through the window and she closed it. The room was dimly lit with candles and she motioned him to follow her through the living room, through the kitchen and out into the back yard. She sat down in a lawn chair-one of those fancy ones he'd seen in magazines from time to time. He sat beside her, a patio table between them with an ashtray and a pack of –thank you God-Marlboros and a lighter on the table as well.

They lit up, and each took a long drag off their respective cigarettes. He watched in amusement as she blew out smoke rings and settled back into her chair. He waited for her to start quizzing him, and as the minutes dragged by he was surprised at her continued silence. He was also surprised that the silence was comfortable. He didn't feel antsy or irritable or any pressing need to make small talk. They were just two people sitting by a pool smoking.

Daryl settled back a bit more in the chair and gazed at the stars. Ever since the world had gone to shit, and with it for the most part all electrical lighting, he'd noticed how much easier it was to see the stars. How much brighter they seemed. In Daryl's opinion, that was another of the few good things about the end of the world. He finished his cigarette and stubbed the butt out in the ashtray. And that was another good thing about the apocalypse. Nobody griping about his smoking. Not that there were any bars to go to anymore where he'd want to drink and smoke. But just the fact that nobody was around to police his bad habits was a happy thought. He sighed in contentment and stretched a bit. This chair really was comfortable-way more so than any of the cheap ass lawn chairs he'd ever sat in back in the day. He shifted a bit more and sighed again. He could sit in a chair like this all night and watch the stars. That tight constricted feeling in his chest he'd been carrying around in him for months, if not years, eased a bit and for the first time in a very long time he felt himself relax just the tiniest bit.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Daryl woke with a start and looked about him, confused. The sky was a brilliant pink, sun just coming up. He glanced over to see Olivia curled up in her chair, facing him, asleep. For all that he'd fallen asleep in a chair, he didn't feel achy in the least. But then these were incredibly comfortable chairs.

He stood and stretched. His kidneys were killing him, he had to piss like a racehorse. He thought about just letting himself out the gate and heading home, pissing in some yard behind a tree, but then he heard Olivia stirring. Curiosity stilled him for the moment, waiting to see what she'd say.

He turned back to her and watched her eyes open slowly. She looked confused there for a minute as well. Then she smiled, a genuinely happy smile. He felt a twinge of envy at anyone who could wake up happy. Beth had been able to do that. And with the thought of Beth he felt a dull ache in his chest again.

"Hey," Olivia said. Her voice was husky, sleepy. Daryl nodded at her. "Are you hungry? I'm starving."

Daryl looked at her in surprise. "Ya just woke the fuck up. How're ya hungry already?" he muttered.

She laughed. "Oh, I'm pretty much hungry all the time I'm awake. I like to eat. And I can eat a lot." She laughed at the look of surprise on his face. "C'mon. I have to pee, and then I'll make something to eat. You like omelets? I can make a really amazing omelet." She stood up, stretched briefly and headed inside, not waiting for his reply. Daryl found himself following after her. "The bathroom's over there, down the hall," she said, as she headed toward a bedroom.

He entered the bathroom and peered briefly in the mirror. Christ. He looked like shit. Filthy-he hadn't bothered to do more than take a brief shower or two since he'd gotten here, and that was only because Carol had threatened to hose him down. Bags under his eyes, circles too. He looked like some escaped convict. If he met himself in a dark alley, he'd be wary. The fact that Olivia hadn't mentioned a word about his appearance yet had him wondering what kind of people she'd counseled before all this.

He finished his business, washed his hands and wandered back into the kitchen. Olivia had pulled out any number of items from the fridge and laid them out on the counter. Eggs, milk, cheese, some type of meat-ham?-and some other stuff. He could smell coffee brewing. Coffee. Exactly what he needed right about now.

She half turned to him and pointed to a stool at counter. "Pop a squat. Smoke. The coffee will be ready in another minute. And what do you like in your omelets?"

Daryl was at a loss. No one had ever made him an omelet, much less asked him what he wanted in it. He shrugged uncertainly, and sat down and lit a cigarette. "How'd ya get so lucky findin' these Marlboros?"

She laughed. "I stocked up before I ever came here. And every time Aaron went out he had instructions to search for more. I have a good supply in my closet. Any time you need a pack, help yourself. There aren't a lot of smokers here. Thankfully. Although I don't know how anyone deals with this kind of shit without smoking. Or drinking. Or drugs."

Daryl snorted in surprise. "Thought you were a counselor? Thought y'all didn't like folks doing that shit?"

Olivia shrugged as she went about readying the omelet. "Hell, all rules are out the window. I say as long as you're not hurting anyone else, go ahead. What's it matter if you smoke yourself to death? Every damn day we all have to worry about somebody taking the walls down and killing us….or worse."

Daryl frowned at her. She was so completely different than what he'd expected. "Ya don't think yer safe in here?" he asked curiously. So far from what he'd observed, the residents of Alexandria seemed to be completely oblivious to just how horrific things were outside these walls and seemed to believe that inside these walls they were completely safe and had nothing to worry about. They didn't seem to even be able to imagine that the walls might fall sometime and they'd be faced with walkers or worse.

"No, I don't think we're safe here," Olivia replied. Daryl frowned at this.

"Why? Everyone else seems to think so," his curiosity getting the better of him.

"I worked out of Quantico before this. FBI. Worked with the profilers. I know what's out there. And now that there isn't any law so to speak, no real penalty for murder or rape or anything else-well, I worry more about some seriously dangerous people getting in here more than I do any walkers. I mean, those are dangerous too. But sociopaths and psychopaths, serial rapists and murderers, pedophiles. Those people have been given open access to do whatever the hell they want with no consequences. And no one here seems to realize it. They think these walls will keep everyone out. I happen to believe no wall can keep everything out forever."

Olivia set two plates full of toast and omelet and fruit on the counter and pulled up a stool. She handed him a cup of coffee and began to eat. Daryl gazed at her, thinking.

"You were FBI? How'd ya get here?" He was surprising himself asking all these questions. He didn't like people asking him anything, and he didn't make a habit of asking them anything. But he couldn't seem to keep his mouth shut around her.

"I was in DC. Working with Deanna on something. And when things started to go bad, she brought me with her here. I didn't see a whole lot of what was going on, and I know I am very lucky for that. But I've talked to people that Aaron has brought back here so I have a very little idea of how hellish it is out there. The fact that your group managed to survive two years out there is mind blowing."

Daryl grunted and avoided looking at her. Yes, they'd survived but they'd lost people too. He pushed his food around, his appetite fading. He'd eaten most of it anyway. Surprisingly. He hadn't had any appetite in weeks, nothing tasted good. But this omelet, she was right. She knew how to make an omelet.

Olivia glanced at Daryl and noted he'd stopped eating, now just pushing the food around on his plate. She frowned. She'd upset him, and she hadn't meant to. She remembered that Rick had told her the group had lost Daryl's brother and Maggie's sister and that Rick was worried about Daryl. He felt guilty about both losses. She bit her lip, trying to think of a way to salvage this. She didn't want him to leave here upset.

"Can I ask you a question?" she said softly. Daryl grunted. He didn't want to talk about outside. Didn't want to talk about who they'd lost and why. He tensed up, waiting for the question. "You shoot a bow right?" she continued.

Daryl glanced up, confused. "yeah," he mumbled. Where was she going with this?

"Well, I know how to shoot. Have to know if you're in the FBI," she smiled. "But I don't know anything about crossbows. I always wanted to learn. Think you could teach me?"

Daryl's mouth fell open slightly. This was not the question he had expected. He cleared his throat, confused as how to react to this. Teaching her would mean standing next to her, putting his arms around her to show her how to hold the bow, how to aim. He'd had a difficult time doing that with Beth once he'd realized how he'd felt about her. He didn't know if he wanted to be that physically close to anyone ever again. He didn't even like sitting next to any of his group anymore. Preferred to sit alone outside.

Olivia saw his hesitation, saw the flickers of sadness and hurt run over his face. "You don't have to answer me now. I mean, you don't even know me. I don't want to push you into anything."

Daryl nodded slowly. A feeling of relief that he didn't have to answer her right this minute. "'kay. I'll think bout it," he said quietly. He stood up and took his plate to her sink and turned the water on to rinse it off.

"Don't worry bout that, I'll get it," Olivia said. Daryl nodded again and turned the water off.

"Best get goin'. Was gonna hunt today," he mumbled, avoiding her gaze.

Olivia stood and crossed to him, handing him the pack of cigarettes. "Here. And whenever you need more just come get them. I keep them in the pantry here. Help yourself."

Daryl took the pack from her and headed toward the front door. He ducked his head and half shrugged. "Thanks for the eggs. And the smokes," he mumbled and then went out the door, closing it softly behind him.

Olivia stared at the door a moment, then sighing she went back to the kitchen and began cleaning up.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Daryl saw Rick standing on the porch, Judith in his arms, when he walked up the road toward the house. Rick looked at him curiously. He'd noticed Daryl was doing a lot more wandering around at night than he usually did. He wondered where it was Daryl was wandering. He had a thought about where he was wandering, but he kept it to himself. If what he thought was true, then he didn't want to ruin anything by questioning Daryl about it.

Daryl tensed up, waiting for Rick to ask him questions. To his surprise, Rick just smiled and said good morning and continued to hold Judith and speak softly to her. She was starting to babble, mostly nonsense, but every once in a while you could catch what could almost be called a word coming from her.

Daryl continued on into the house and up to the attic, where he'd stashed his stuff. Not much there. A few changes of clothes. His backpack. A sleeping bag spread out on the floor. Not that he'd ever slept up here. He mostly slept on the front porch, when he slept that was. He grabbed a change of clothes and headed back down to the bathroom and shut and locked the door. Christ he stank. If he was disgusted by it, he could only imagine what everyone else thought. And his hair-Jesus it was so fucking long now. Longer than it had ever been. His bangs were halfway down his face. And greasy. Fuck. He was disgusting.

He turned the shower on as hot as it would go, and quickly stripping off his filthy clothes he stepped in and hissed when the scalding water hit his skin. He grit his teeth and stepped more fully into the stream and began to soap up. He'd grabbed a washcloth and used it to scrub all the dirt and grime and old blood from his skin. Looking down at the water, nearly black from all the dirt sliding off him as well as pink from the blood. What the hell was wrong with him? It was one thing to be trash, but he could at least be somewhat clean. He didn't have to go around stinking.

He lathered up his hair and scrubbed vigorously at it, feeling fresh disgust at the clumps of dirt and god knew what else stuck in his hair. He rinsed and lathered up again to be on the safe side.

By the time he felt clean, the water was turning cool. He turned it off and stepped out and grabbed a towel. Looking in the mirror, he rubbed off some of the steam and gazed at himself. Better. He wasn't anything to look at but at least he was clean now. He contemplated shaving, then decided against it. He didn't want anyone falling over in shock that he'd both taken a shower and shaved. He grabbed a toothbrush and squirted a liberal amount of paste on it and began to scrub his teeth, fresh disgust flowing over him at the thought of how filthy his mouth was, how awful his breath must be with not brushing and all the smoking. Christ.

He rinsed his mouth and dried off and dressed. His clothes were shit, not much better than rags but at least they were clean. Everyone else had gone to some storage place here and gotten some decent clothes. He had refused. Like his shitty clothes and his dirt and grime on his skin were some kind of hairshirt. His penance for his guilt and grief over losing Merle and Beth. He shook his head at himself. What the fuck was wrong with him? Beth would have been angry at him. She would have insisted he take a shower, brush his teeth, eat right. Take care of himself. But Beth wasn't here to insist on any of that. And most days he didn't want to be here anymore. He just wanted to lie down and never get up again. Just fade away to nothing. And hopefully be with Beth in whatever passed for an afterlife. He had no illusions that he'd meet her in Heaven. He had never been destined for that place. But he could hope that he could somehow meet her somewhere in between. That somebody would have mercy on his soul and allow him at least that much.

Daryl sighed, and picking up his filthy clothes opened the door and trudged down the stairs to where the washer and dryer were. He threw his clothes in as well as some detergent and turned the washer on. He couldn't stand the smell of them and wanted them clean.

"Hey," Carol said from behind him and he jumped. When had she gotten so quiet? Or had he been too distracted by his thoughts?

He turned to face her, scowling. He was not in the mood for any pep talks or motherly advise.

"Hey," he growled, hoping the tone of his voice would shut her the fuck up. Make her go away and leave him in peace.

"Where'd you go last night?" she asked quietly. He muffled a groan of impatience. Christ.

"Just around," he replied. Wasn't her damn business where he went. Wasn't anybody's damn business.

"I see," she replied, still searching his face for a clue to what was going on with him. She didn't miss the fact that he'd cleaned up. Finally. She really thought she was going to have to hose him down if he had kept refusing to clean up. "Well, Aaron stopped over and asked if you'd want to go over later for dinner. He and Eric are making spaghetti and he said they know you like that." She crossed her arms and leaned against a counter, watching him.

Daryl shrugged noncommittally. "Might," he mumbled again and moved restlessly. He felt like she was boxing him in, standing in front of him barring the way out the kitchen. He could always just go out the back door, and if she didn't move he was going to do just that. Go out back and smoke and think. He had a lot to think about now.

Carol nodded and left the kitchen and Daryl breathed a sigh of relief. He headed out back after all, hoping that in the back yard he could smoke and think without anyone bothering him.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Evening found Daryl pacing anxiously in front of Aaron and Eric's house. He'd been to dinner here a few times, had worked on a bike with Aaron and they were planning on going on some runs together soon. But he still wasn't completely comfortable with dining with other people. At a table. With real plates and silverware and napkins. He hadn't had to worry about his lack of social skills on the outside. No one cared how messy or sloppy he was, they were all eating to survive and no one cared about manners. But now, inside these walls, he'd had to confront all of that again. His lack of manners. No social skills. Because even if it was just Aaron and Eric, he didn't want to look like a total loser, a redneck asshole piece of trash. He didn't know how he'd managed to eat those eggs at Olivia's earlier without making a complete fool of himself.

He'd gotten better at not wolfing his food down, not cramming his mouth full and talking. At using his fork and knife instead of his hands. It just wasn't comfortable yet. He still had to think about it. Which made him anxious each time before he stepped in the house and talked himself through it. To be fair, neither Aaron nor Eric had ever given him a look, or sighed or showed any sign of disgust or disapproval. But he knew they had been surprised the first time he'd eaten with them. He had probably looked like a man who was getting his last meal the way he'd shoveled his food in nonstop.

He sighed and straightened his shoulders and walked up the steps and knocked. Almost immediately Aaron opened the door, almost like he'd been waiting for him. Daryl nodded briefly and stepped into the hallway and followed Aaron to the dining room. The house smelled wonderful. He breathed deeply and smiled slightly. Spaghetti. One of his favorites. And to their credit, most of the time he was invited over it was for spaghetti. Like they knew it was his favorite. And he appreciated that-that they would make some effort to do something they knew he'd like. He'd never had anyone do that before the world had gone to hell. And since then the only person who'd really ever made any effort like that for him had been Beth.

Daryl pushed that thought down deep, he could take it out and look at it later. For now he just wanted to sit and eat and listen to Aaron and Eric. He couldn't make sense of half of what they talked about, but it was in some ways soothing. Listening to everyday small talk that he wasn't required to contribute to. Like having the tv on while you ate. Background noise. Just enough distraction to stop yourself from thinking for a short while.

The mention of Olivia's name caught his attention and he focused on the conversation now. He tried to follow what they were saying and piece together why they'd mentioned Olivia's name. Olivia had said something.

He cleared his throat. "What's that? Olivia? She's the counselor right?" He kept his eyes on his plate, trying his best to look disinterested.

Aaron glanced at him thoughtfully and Eric raised a brow. "Yes. She's the counselor. Or at least that's what Deanna wants her job to be," Aaron answered.

Daryl flicked his eyes up momentarily. "What do ya mean? Don't she wanna do that?"

Aaron shook his head. "No. Olivia says she wants to do something useful. She asked about going out with me on runs."

Daryl's head jerked up and he frowned. "What the hell? Does she even know how ta take care of herself out there?"

Aaron glanced ever so slightly at Eric and Eric ever so slightly nodded back. "No. I mean, she knows how to shoot. She was in the FBI. She's trained. But you and I know that isn't everything out there. She hasn't had any real experience with the walkers. But she told me she wants to train and go out. She says she's bored."

Daryl blew out a breath of disgust. "Bored? She outta be glad she's fucking bored!" he spat out angrily. "What the fuck does she think is out there? She'd get herself and anyone else she was with killed," he gritted out.

Aaron shrugged. "Well, she was in the field a lot I guess. She isn't used to sitting around at a desk. And she said it's been two years and she feels like she needs to know how to take care of herself out there. She said her training is going to hell without any practice." He watched Daryl carefully, as did Eric. Daryl was an angry man, quick to snap, but this was out of proportion to what they'd been discussing. To their knowledge Daryl didn't know Olivia except in passing. No reason for him to be this angry at the thought of her going outside the walls. Unless it had something to do with his guilt over Beth. Maybe he just didn't like the idea of any woman going outside the walls.

Daryl grumbled something unintelligible and shook his head. They finished their meal in silence, Aaron and Eric only occasionally remarking about something going on in the community. When they finished, Daryl scraped his chair back and carried his plate to the kitchen sink. He already knew not to try and wash up-Eric had fussed the very first time he'd tried that. He rubbed his chin thoughtfully and stared out the window.

Eric followed Daryl in and started the water to wash up. He glanced over at Daryl, trying to discern what was going on in that head of his. Daryl was actually much easier to read than he believed of himself. At least for anyone who bothered to get past his constant scowl and shrugging and growling. Aaron and Eric had quickly discerned beneath that rough and dirty exterior was an incredibly kind and caring man. A man who would give his life for those he cared for. Eric had a feeling there was something going on here more than just concern over some random woman getting hurt or killed outside the walls. Part of it probably did have to do with Beth, but there was more to it he was sure of that.

Daryl nodded briefly and mumbled a thank you and headed out the front door. This wasn't surprising. Daryl wasn't in the habit of sticking around for chit chat after dinner. But his departure had been a bit more abrupt tonight than usual.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Once again Daryl stood on the lawn outside Olivia's house. He'd be in a mood all evening, since dinner with Aaron and Eric. He'd spent his time after dinner on the group's front porch, checking his bolts and his bow. He hadn't gone outside the wall to hunt earlier today as he'd planned. He'd felt too restless for that. Instead he'd done his laundry and then picked up an afternoon watch on the wall. Now here he was, irritated and angry pacing restlessly on the lawn. He felt like she'd tried to trick him when she'd asked him to teach her to shoot his bow. Probably just using that to say she could go outside on runs with Aaron. That didn't sit well with him.

It was quiet in the town. He listened for any splashing to let him know she was in the pool, but didn't hear any. He didn't know her well enough to just barge up and bang on her door, but then again she'd said repeatedly that any of them could come over whenever they wanted. He shifted about, trying to make up his mind to just go knock on the door when he heard her.

"Why didn't you just knock? Or are you going to stand out there all night staring at the sky?" she whispered just loudly enough for him to hear her. He snorted in disgust with himself. Damn, he called himself being alert and this was twice now she'd surprised him.

He stomped over to where she stood in the window and glared at her, his fists clenched. "Aaron said yer wantin' ta go outside the wall," he gritted out. Olivia just looked at him and nodded. "That why ya asked me ta teach ya to shoot my bow?"

Olivia studied him. He was obviously angry, but why she didn't know. "No, I want to learn how to shoot the bow just to learn. That's got nothing to do with my wanting to go outside the wall. I've been asking about that way before you got here," she replied quietly. He noticed she wasn't backing away from him like most people did when he'd worked himself up into a temper. She just stood there like they were having some kind of normal conversation, not him snapping at her in the middle of the night on her lawn.

His fists clenched and unclenched and Olivia remained silent, watching him calmly. "Ya don't need ta go out there. Ya got no damn idea how dangerous it is. Just get yerself killed or the person with ya," he half snarled.

Olivia hummed and he glanced at her sharply. "I've been in dangerous situations before," she began and raised her hand to silence him. "Granted I wasn't dealing with the undead trying to eat me, but I did deal with some pretty unsavory and dangerous criminals. So I believe I have a better grasp on things than you're giving me credit for." And she paused to look at him.

He blew out a breath of indignation at her words. "That's different than what's out there now," he spat out, frustrated.

"I realize that. I also know that I told you just this morning that I don't think this place is safe. And I want to be able to protect myself in the event someone breaches those damn walls. And it's not your goddam decision to make." At her increasing volume, Daryl stopped and stared at her. Wasn't anyone that ever dared to raise their voice back at him-no woman any way. Except Beth. Just that one time. Merle and Rick were the only men that had ever raised their voices at him for years. Before that it had been his dad. And he didn't want to take that trip down memory lane. Not right now. Not ever to be honest.

Daryl looked at her quietly, speechless for the moment. She was standing with her arms crossed and he could tell by the way she was breathing that she was biting more words back.

She huffed out a breath and turned her back to him. "You can either come in and smoke with me or you can go home and try to bully somebody else. I don't really care," and she strode off in the direction of the kitchen. Daryl stood there nonplussed for a minute, then shrugging he stepped through the window and shut it behind him and followed her out to the patio.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Olivia was sitting in the same chair she had been in earlier this morning when he got out to the patio, already smoking. He picked up the pack and the lighter and sat down and lit the cigarette. He had no idea what to say. He wasn't in the habit of arguing with anyone. Whenever he and Merle had disagreed it had always quickly escalated into a physical altercation with both of them ending up bruised and battered and bloody. The end result was always the same whether he beat Merle or Merle beat him-he always caved to Merle's demands.

No one in his group argued with him. No one dared. He blew up, yelled and threw shit and they ran off like scared kids. Rick would yell back at him and then just walk away, telling Daryl he'd deal with him when he settled down. He cringed at the sudden dawning on him that his behavior was very much like his father's . Only he was acting like this sober instead of drunk. He shifted in his chair, uncomfortable with this new realization about himself.

He snuck a glance from under his shaggy bangs at Olivia and saw her staring out at the pool, appearing to still be angry. He racked his brain for something to say, it never occurring to him to just say he was sorry. Dixons didn't apologize. He had in a way to Beth. That one time. But that was a rare occasion. And he really had been a real dick to her. And he'd been supposed to be protecting her, not making her cry and hurting her feelings. He shifted again and cleared his throat.

"Here's a few things you should know about me," Olivia spoke softly but clearly. Daryl sat up, alert now.

"I have a vicious temper. It's gotten me in trouble all my life. I try to control it, but I don't have much success." She paused for him to absorb this. "I don't like anyone telling me what to do. Never have. Nobody is the boss of me. Nobody tells me what to do. I do what I want. Period." He nodded slightly, thinking she sounded like a female version of him so far. "I'm a strong woman. Not a lot of people, especially men, like that. A strong man is a hero, somebody to be admired. But a strong woman?" she shook her head and gave a sound of disdain. "Nope. A strong woman is a ball buster, frigid, a lesbian, a bitch. None of which I am. I'm a person who knows what I want and I don't like people getting in my way of getting what I want." She finished her cigarette and turned to stub it out in the ashtray and gazed at him directly. Daryl had been so absorbed in what she'd been saying that his cigarette had burned to his fingertips and he quickly stubbed it out and rubbed his fingers ruefully.

Daryl watched her watching him silently. What did she want from him? To tell her sure, okay, go on and go out there then? Wait, she didn't want his permission. So what did she want from him?

He cleared his throat and nodded slightly. "'kay. Won't be tellin' ya what ta do. Not my business. Ya made that clear," he mumbled uncertainly. This whole conversation was odd and he didn't know what to do with it.

Olivia laughed. "Oh but you will. I know you. Because you're a lot like me. You don't want anyone telling you what to do but you don't have any problem telling them what to do. Or offering your unsolicited opinion." She leaned forward a bit, resting her chin on her hands, her elbows on the table. He noticed for the first time just how wide and dark her eyes were. In this light they looked black. He stared back at her silently, not exactly uncomfortable but he felt like he was waiting for something. "You're not afraid of anything either. Not really. Not walkers, not assholes out there walking around. You're not afraid of being hurt or getting killed. You don't have anyone relying on you, not really. I mean, your group. But, no one special. Not a wife, not kids. Not family."

Daryl flared up a bit at that. He didn't want anyone touching on that sore subject. "Why ya say all that? Ya don't fuckin know me. Ya learn all that shit in yer counselin' school? Well I ain't one of yer subjects or patients or whatever ya call 'em. Just cuz I sat and smoked with ya don't mean ya got me figured out," he snapped out, defensively.

Olivia shrugged carelessly, like she didn't care what he'd just said. "It's got nothing to do with my schooling or my training. It's what I know. How I grew up. I recognize it in other people. Used to wonder why I always got the abusive boyfriend, the broken man. Then I realized I sought out in others what was in me. Those men might not have made me happy, but they were familiar and I was comfortable. It was what I knew-anger, hopelessness, fear, sadness."

Daryl frowned at her. What the hell was she talking about? A girl like her, her career before all this? She had to have come from money. "What the fuck are ya talkin' bout?" he blurted out suspiciously.

Olivia stared directly into his eyes and smiled sadly. "My dad beat my mother on a regular basis. Drunk or sober, but worse when he was drunk. One night my brother had had enough. He killed my dad, then killed himself."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Daryl's mouth fell open in shock. What the hell? "What….what are ya sayin'? Where were you?" he stammered out.

Olivia continued to gaze at him quietly, no hint of emotion on her face. It seemed to Daryl that she was speaking automatically, repeating something she'd spoken often in the past. Like she wasn't even thinking about the words she was saying anymore, hadn't in a long time. "I was away at school. I'd been sent off to a boarding school. I was fifteen. My brother was eighteen. He was home from college for the weekend. He had tried to stop dad from beating mom. Again. And then he went and got dad's shotgun and blew a hole in him. Before Mom could stop him or do anything really he blew his own head off." She stopped talking and sat there silently, watching him.

"Jesus. What the fuck? What did your mom do?" he just couldn't seem to stop asking. As awful as his life had been, he hadn't ever imagined either he or Merle killing their father.

Olivia lit another cigarette and took a drink from the glass that had been sitting there. "She called the police and the ambulance. Told a lie. Said my brother had gone crazy. Beat her, then killed dad and himself. Didn't want the truth to get out and ruin dad's reputation." Daryl heard bitterness creeping into her voice. He shook his head, not understanding. "Dad was a lawyer in DC. Handled big clients. We had money. He was friends with powerful people. Mom told me what happened and then told me to lie. She said if Sam had done all of it then there wouldn't be any investigation. And there wasn't. Everyone accepted what she said, no one asked me because of course I hadn't been there. And life went on. I went back to school. Mom went on with her clubs and her charities. We stayed in that goddam house. Well, she did. I refused to go back there. Not for holidays, not for summers. I stayed at school and finished a year early and then went to college. As far away from her as I could get-out in California. Haven't been back since I graduated high school."

Daryl tried to absorb all this. "Is yer ma alive now? I mean, did she get somewhere safe?"

Olivia shrugged. "Don't know. Don't care. She was dead to me years ago. When she lied about my brother. I haven't spoken to her since I was fifteen. When I graduated high school I told her I didn't want her there. When I was eighteen she turned my inheritance over to me with a guardian to overlook it and make sure I didn't blow it. That was the last contact I had with her." Daryl studied her. She didn't look sad. She just looked numb. She wasn't crying. She seemed calm actually. He couldn't imagine being able to tell all that to anyone without blowing up and cursing and yelling. But then she'd had how many years of reciting it to people. Maybe that would make you numb.

He leaned back in his chair and lit another cigarette, thinking. "Married? Kids?" he asked quietly.

"Nope. Never came close. Don't want kids. Don't want to fuck them up like I am. And men and me….I don't know. I look around at married people and wonder how they do it. I don't have the patience for bullshit and it just seems to me the basic requirement for most married people is that they have a very high tolerance for bullshit. One or the other, sometimes both cheating, lying, fucking off the money, drinking, drugs. Christ. I saw enough in my own family. Then I saw it when I went into practice. No thank you. I guess I just haven't ever loved anyone so much that I wanted to put up with their shit." She shrugged and took another drink.

Daryl thought about this. She really was sort of a female version of him. Shitty family, hell worse than his in just about every way. Didn't seem to really trust anyone. Angry. But where he'd let that keep him from having any kind of normal life, she had gone to school and had a career and made something of herself. She had learned how to live in the world and keep her secrets well hidden. Of course the fact she'd had money had helped a lot in going to school and keeping her secrets. Money bought a lot of things. He wondered idly how many people here knew her story. He doubted that she'd shared it with too many people. But she had told him. Because she had known he'd understand it. He'd lived something somewhat like it. He didn't know whether to be angry about that or relieved. That she had been able to read him that easily.

"I don't drink but I keep stuff in the house. If you want beer, it's in the fridge. If you want something stronger, it's in the liquor cabinet. Make yourself at home. I'm going to bed," she said quietly. He could hear a weariness in her voice. He nodded and she stood up and went inside. He realized how tired he felt, just from having been angry all evening and listening to her story. He imagined she felt even more tired. He picked her glass up and looked in it. Tea. He took a sip and set the glass back down. He stretched in the chair and leaned his head back to look at the stars and think.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

The next morning Daryl stood on Olivia's front porch and knocked firmly on the door. Olivia swung the door open and smiled. "Hi," she said softly.

Daryl nodded and cleared his throat. "Ya said ya wanna learn how to shoot a bow. Brought mine, if ya wanna practice some now." He held the bow out briefly to show her before placing it back on his shoulder.

Olivia smiled widely, happy. "Sure. What do I need to wear? Are we going outside the wall?" She motioned him to come in and shut the door. He noted she had all the windows open to catch the breeze. Summer was fading into fall and the days weren't nearly as hot here as they were down in Georgia.

"Naw, we ain't goin' outside the wall just yet. But what ya got on is fine," and he waved at her clothes-shorts and a tshirt. "Best put some kinda shoes on though," he added as an afterthought.

She nodded and went toward the bedroom. He glanced around curiously. He hadn't really paid attention to anything when he'd walked through the other day. Nothing fancy, she didn't have a lot of knick knacks or that kind of stuff cluttering the place up. He'd seen Deanna's house and it was stuffed full of pictures and vases and all that shit. He imagined if Olivia had wanted she could have gotten some of that stuff somewhere here. Or had Aaron look for it. No, her house was clean and uncluttered and felt comfortable. For all that there wasn't a lot of stuff in here, it felt welcoming.

Olivia walked back into the room with some hiking boots on and stopped. "This okay?" She had changed into jeans, rather tight fitting jeans at that. The tshirt was the same. He nodded brusquely and opened the door and they headed out.

They walked silently, side by side. He was grateful she didn't ask a lot of questions-where were they going? Why had he changed his mind? Beth had always been full of questions. But she was the only person he had ever tolerated it from. And it'd taken him a while to get used to her questions. Just when he'd gotten to where he actually looked forward to her questions, they'd stopped. Because he'd lost her. And now she wouldn't ever ask anyone a question ever again.

He shook his head to clear his mind of the thought. He needed to concentrate on teaching Olivia how to shoot the bow. They stopped at a little park like area a few streets over from her house. He'd placed a target on a tree in an area where if her shot went wild it wouldn't strike anyone. Or anything, like a house or something.

The next few hours were difficult. Although there was a good cool breeze, Daryl felt uncomfortably hot. He told himself it was the bright sun beating down, but he knew better. Olivia was the first person he'd let get this physically close to him since Beth. He had to remind himself not to flinch when she moved back against him, or turned her face toward him to ask him a question. He found himself comparing her curves to Beth's, her scent to Beth's, the feel of her skin to Beth's. It was all different, not better or worse, just different. He was actually glad she was different from Beth. That would have been too cruel, someone almost but not quite Beth.

Daryl nodded approval as Olivia quickly picked up on his instructions. She hit the target every time. She had a bit of difficulty cocking the bow, but not as much as he'd have thought. She was strong. He wondered briefly how many men she'd had to tackle or struggle with in the course of her work. And the thought of her punching or kicking some guy made him feel a bit …aroused? He shifted uneasily and tried not to be obvious what he was doing, trying to get his dick to settle down. Christ. She was nothing like what he'd ever hooked up with. Definitely not anything like Beth. But again, she was different in an interesting way.

He stepped back from her after a couple of hours and squinted at the sun. "Better let ya go for the day. Been at it awhile. Ya did good," he mumbled as he slung his bow back over his shoulder. Olivia looked slightly disappointed and he smirked.

"Well, thanks. I enjoyed it. When can we practice again?" She was standing looking at him a little uncertainly.

"I dunno. Ain't got no schedule. Goin' out on a run with Aaron in a day or two. Can practice tomorrow if ya want," he mumbled back.

"Oh okay. Well, just come over and get me when you want to go," she murmured, still standing there as if she were uncertain what to do next.

Daryl nodded and hesitated. Feeling like he should say something, but he didn't know what. She nodded and turned and started walking back to her house, and he felt disgusted with himself. He should've said something to her. But he didn't know what. Fuck. Women were something he never could understand.

Daryl shrugged and headed back to his house.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Weeks passed. September faded into October. The days were much cooler, as were the nights. It was strange to Daryl to sometimes need a blanket while he dozed. Back home in Georgia the heat persisted most years until near Thanksgiving. It was actually nice to not be sweating into the fall months.

He'd gone on a couple of runs with Aaron. They had found a few more people that they brought back to the town. They'd found some more places they could raid for medicine and nonperishable food. Found a place that hadn't been very badly looted and they were able to bring back blankets and coats and warmer clothing in general.

Daryl had fallen into the habit of dropping by Olivia's house on the mornings he was in town and taking her target practicing. He'd watched her shoot her gun-she'd kept her service revolver. In fact, she had rather shyly but proudly shown him her duffel bag she'd kept with her containing her bullet proof vest, an H & K submachine gun with its accessories, fatigues, gloves and boots as well as her badge. He had to admit he was impressed. And more than a little turned on. A fact he tried to hide from her.

This morning he was surprised she wasn't waiting for him as she had been lately. He frowned and stepped up to the window he was in the habit of walking through. She seemed to prefer that to the front door. He peered in but didn't see anything. He sighed. He should just turn around and go back to the house. Or go outside the wall and do a little hunting. The weather was right for deer hunting-although technically he could hunt anytime of the year he wanted now. But fall was the best really, the bucks had had all summer to fatten up as had the does. He could go out and if he took a truck he could bring back some meat for the coming winter.

He hesitated. He hadn't been around Olivia long before he noticed she didn't like to wait for anything or anyone and didn't like to keep anyone waiting. He tilted his head trying to see further into the room. Well, she had often told him he could just come on in.

Daryl shrugged and lifted the window and stepped through. "Olivia," he called softly. Nothing. He closed the window behind him and advanced a bit further into the room. Maybe she was out on the patio. Or in the pool. He headed toward the back door and peered out. Nope. She wasn't there. He turned and hummed, trying to think whether he should go to her bedroom or not. Maybe she was sick. At that thought he stepped quickly to her bedroom door.

Peering around the doorway he looked around. "Olivia," he whispered a bit louder. He heard something muffled from the bed. He stepped over to there and realized she was bundled up in blankets, burrowed under pillows. The windows were open, as usual, but it wasn't that cold in here that she'd need all those blankets. Maybe she was sick.

Daryl leaned over and lightly touched the mound of blankets. "Hey. 'livia. Ya sick?" then he distinctly heard a sob. Oh fuck. He just didn't deal with women and tears. It unhinged him. Made him go all stumbly and stammering and stupid. Didn't know what to say or how to fix it. He panicked any time any woman even looked like she might even be thinking about crying. Fuck.

He sighed and stepped closer. "Hey. What's wrong?" he was a bit louder this time, hoping she would get her head out of the goddam covers and tell him what the hell was going on. Instead he got more mumbling. And more sobbing from the sounds of it. He sighed again. He wanted to just turn around and leave, be away from this. He resented getting involved in this. But of course, she hadn't asked him to barge in the house and hunt around for her. If he'd been smart he would have just turned around and gone back to the house. And even though she hadn't asked him to come in he felt a bit resentful that he was being dragged into this emotional shit.

Impatient, his anger starting to ignite, he roughly grabbed the covers and yanked them partway back so he could at least maybe see her. She didn't seem like the type of girl who would lay in her bed and cry all day. He had seen just how controlled she tried to be, tried to keep her anger and impatience in check. This just didn't make any sense.

Olivia sat up with a start. Her hair was tangled and wild, her eyes red and swollen, her nose red as well. She'd been crying a while from the looks of it. Daryl ran his eyes down her and thanked god silently that she was in something decent, not some flimsy see through Victoria's Secret shit. She hiccupped and glared at him. "What the fuck do you want?" she spat out.

Daryl stepped back, surprised. "What? I thought we was going to practice today," he started and then realized he sounded like he was apologizing, whining. Merle would say he sounded like a damn pussy. He straightened up and glared back. "The fuck? I came in ta check on ya. Make sure ya weren't hurt or sick." He huffed out an angry breath.

Olivia continued to glare. "Well I didn't fucking ask you to come check on me did I? So you can get the hell out and leave me the fuck alone," her voice rising with each word.

Daryl recoiled at the venom in her voice. His face flushed and he clenched his fists. "Fuck you, you bitch. I's just tryin' ta be nice. Ya can stay in here and rot for all I fuckin' care," he yelled back.

Olivia jumped up on out of the bed and came face to face with him. "Don't you call me a bitch! You fucking asshole!"

Daryl moved closer to her, so that they were almost touching. "You are a fucking bitch! And…" and before he could say another word, Olivia had slapped him. Hard. In the face. His mouth dropped open in shock. And then his temper boiled over. He grabbed her wrist and twisted it behind her, pulling her right up to him. "You bitch. Don't you ever raise yer hand ta me again." He was breathing hard, but now it was something else as well as anger. He could feel his dick hardening, a heat in his belly he hadn't felt in a very, very long time. The air was stifling in here.

Olivia pulled and twisted, and Daryl had to admit she was strong. She almost got loose a couple of times. But he held her tighter and closer and just breathed in her scent and felt a compulsion to crush her lips with his and throw her on the bed. Where the hell was this coming from? He wasn't like this. Never had been. But he had the urge to overpower her, show her just who was the one in charge here. And he wanted her to fight him. Just a little.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

He let go of her and stumbled back a bit, breathing like he'd run some long race. He saw she was breathing hard too, panting would be a more accurate word for what they were both doing by now. Her pupils were dilated making her eyes black, her face flushed. And he knew without looking that his face was a mirror of hers. He shook his head to clear it, trying to slow his breathing down and get himself calmed down. "What the fuck is goin' on?" he rasped. "What the fuck is this all about," and he stumbled back another step.

Olivia sat on the edge of the bed as if her legs had suddenly turned to water. He could see she was trembling. She looked down at the floor and shrugged. "Today's Sam's birthday," she murmured.

Daryl frowned. "Who's Sam?"

Olivia glanced back up at him, a look on her face that told him her heart was breaking. "My brother. Every damn year. Every damn year this happens. I tell myself it's been long enough. I shouldn't be this upset. But then I am." And she put her face in her hands and made a sound. The same sound he recognized as the one he'd been making when he went out past the walls alone and mourned for Merle and Beth.

He stepped back over to her and sat beside her, and without thinking placed his arm around her shoulders and pulled her to him. "God. I'm sorry, 'livia. Dammit. I ….Jesus," and his voice trailed off as she continued to make those awful choking noises. How many years had it been since she'd lost her brother? Twenty? And she still hurt this fucking bad? Christ. This is what he had to look forward to? Year after year of his heart breaking and breaking. He would go insane, he'd never last years feeling that kind of pain.

He sat with his arm around her silently, letting her cry. He couldn't think of any words to say to make her feel better. There were no words when your heart has been ripped out of you and crushed. When you'd gladly sell your soul to have even a little time back with the person you miss.

Eventually Olivia calmed down enough to where she straightened up and wiped her face. "Sorry," she whispered, her voice thick with tears.

"s'okay," he mumbled. And it was. He understood what she was feeling. Understood that when the pain got that bad you just felt angry at the world and wanted to be left the hell alone. That's why he went out into the woods. So he could be left alone with his grief.

Olivia flopped back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. She blew out a breath. "All those classes, all those years of talking to people about their fucking feelings. And I can't manage my own." She placed her hands over her face and sighed again.

He found himself stretching out beside her and propped his head on his hand. "Don't think it matters bout school or yer job. Some shit just can't be managed," he murmured thoughtfully.

Olivia made a small sound of disgust. "You're probably right. I just…I don't like being out of control. I like to think I can manage my shit. And when I can't it just…I don't know."

Daryl smirked. This was something he knew about. "Angry. Ya feel angry?"

"Yes, God yes." She mumbled from behind her hands. "You have no idea how many holes I've punched in walls, or how many things I've broken. Broke my hand once punching a wall, broke my foot once kicking the damn car." She sighed.

Daryl snorted softly. Damn if she wasn't just about his twin in some ways. "Yeah. Done that myself. Least ya ain't got in any bar fights and come home with a black eye and a fat lip. Or have ya?" he teased quietly.

Olivia laughed. "No, I didn't go home with a black eye," she teased back.

Daryl raised a brow at her. "Oh? Guess that means somebody did though?" He smirked again. He could almost picture her punching the snot out of some guy.

She laughed again, less sadness and hurt in it. "You would be correct there sir."

He shook his head and snickered. "I'd like ta have seen that," he murmured.

Olivia turned on her side to face him with a serious look on her face. "I'm sorry I slapped you. I swear, when I get mad it's like I just…I"

"Go on autopilot?" he finished for her. He realized how close they were, but it didn't make him feel uncomfortable. And he no longer had that urge to throw her on her back and slam himself into her. That thought was in the background, it could wait until later when he was alone and could think about it. Right now he felt comfortable with her, like he did with Rick. If Rick was a girl.

"Yeah. Exactly. Sometimes it's almost like I've had a blackout. I don't really remember everything I've said, sometimes don't remember punching the wall or the person. It's scary. I've seen my own therapist."

Daryl raised a brow at this. "What'd they say?" He was curious about this. What she was describing was exactly what happened to him at times. Black outs even when he was sober. He hadn't had that happen in years. Since before the world went to hell. And it had been because of Merle. His usual bullshit but that particular time Daryl had had more than his limit and had exploded. Later he'd come to himself to find Merle sitting with a bag of frozen peas held to his face and his own hands scraped and bloodied. Merle and he had never talked about it. He thought it was because it had scared Merle too.

"He said I'd pushed my rage down so deep in me that unless I talked it out and did something about it I could just count on the blackouts continuing to happen. And sooner or later I might end up in jail or dead." She dropped her eyes and stared at the blanket underneath them.

Daryl thought about that. "So did ya? Talk bout it?"

Olivia shook her head. "No. I knew he was right. But I just couldn't. I couldn't pull all that shit up and talk about it and think about it. I felt like if I had to relive that all over again, I wouldn't make it. I'd end up doing what my brother did. Blow my head off."

Daryl nodded. He sure understood that. He tried to never think about his past, his pa. His ma. That shitty house she burned down with herself in it. But those memories found a way of coming back in his sleep. Nightmares. Which is why he tried to never really fall into a deep sleep. He tried to cat nap. Anything to avoid those damn nightmares.

Without being conscious of what he was doing, Daryl brushed her hair from her face and tangled his fingers in her curls, softly slipping them through his fingers. Olivia sighed and closed her eyes.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Daryl opened his eyes and blinked. He glanced over and saw Olivia asleep beside him, facing him. He was on his back, his legs hanging off the edge of the bed. The light had shifted through the windows. He thought they'd been asleep most of the day. He sighed and sat up, trying not to disturb her but as soon as he moved her eyes flew open. She frowned, trying to think what had happened.

"Guess we fell asleep," Daryl muttered sheepishly. Damn if every time he came over here he didn't fall asleep. And he usually slept good- no nightmares- and woke up feeling pretty good. There was something to think about in that too. Later. When he was alone.

Olivia sat up and yawned. "God. What time is it?' she mumbled sleepily.

Daryl shook his head. He didn't wear a watch, had no schedule he had to be on. Never really had been on any kind of regular schedule, except for here and there when Merle had been in jail and he'd gotten some shit job as a mechanic somewhere.

Her stomach growled, and a moment later his did as well. They both snorted in embarrassed laughter. "Well the least I can do for you after slapping you is feed you," Olivia said and stood up and stretched. "C'mon. I'll find something we can eat," and she walked slowly out of the room, yawning again.

Daryl followed her into the kitchen, about to tell her she didn't have to fix him anything and then his stomach growled again. And he tried to think when he'd last eaten. The other night, at Aaron's. Before they'd gone on a run. Spaghetti. He hadn't eaten much of anything while they'd been out there. And he hadn't thought to eat last night when he got back or this morning before he came over. And that was another thing he wouldn't think about right now. How he hadn't eaten because he'd been in a hurry to get over here. No, that could wait too. He was getting a really long list of things he had to think about when he was alone again.

Olivia was leaning into the refrigerator and Daryl ran his eyes over her. Damn but she had some long legs. That ran right up into a plump and tight looking ass. He jerked his eyes away and looked around the kitchen nervously. Jesus what the fuck was the matter with him?

Olivia stood up and faced him. "Pizza?" She was holding out what looked like a homemade pizza.

"Where the fuck you get that?" he mumbled in surprise. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had pizza. Christ. All the things you never even thought twice about and now that's all that you did think about. Cold beer. Ice. Hot dogs. Hamburgers. Chips. Pickles. Of course, there was some ice here. And sometimes cold beer. Mainly it was hard liquor and wine here, stuff that didn't need to be refrigerated. Shit he stayed away from. Hard liquor made him even more of a dick than beer did. And wine just tasted like shit to him.

Olivia smiled. "I made it," she sang. He surprised himself by laughing out loud. Damn but her moods were changeable. "Wanna try it?" and she waved it toward him teasingly.

"Sure. I trust ya," he teased back.

Olivia turned and flipped the oven on and placed the pizza on a pizza pan. She wiggled her hips as if to a song and tapped her foot impatiently. She turned to look at him. "Music?"

He nodded, at first surprised but then remembering that there were CDs here that could be played sometimes. Not all the time, they had to be careful with the lights and stuff. But sometimes when he'd been out walking he'd heard bits and pieces of music drifting from some of the houses.

"What do you like?" she asked and went to stand in front of the stereo where there were a stack of CDs. "I bet country?" she gazed questioningly at him.

"Hell no. Less it's old stuff-Johnny and Waylon and Willie. Hank. Senior not junior."

She arched a brow at him, intrigued. "Really? I thought you Southerners loved your country music," she drawled in the worst fake Southern accent he'd ever heard. He snorted in derision.

"Naw. Rock. Classic rock. Led Zep, Black Sabbath, Pink Floyd, The Who. That shit."

Humming she turned to rummage through her CDs. "The Wall okay?"

He was surprised she had it and nodded in agreement. The music started and he smiled a small smile of appreciation. "So what you listen to?" he asked, curious.

"Same stuff. Plus a lot of eighties music thrown in there. Madonna, Billy Idol, Journey and all that," she answered. He rolled his eyes at the thought of Madonna. Billy Idol and Journey he could listen to. Most of it anyway.

She walked back into the kitchen and shoved the pizza into the oven and set the timer. Daryl stayed in the living room, standing still and drinking in the music. He hadn't realized just how much he'd missed music until he'd heard it one night shortly after his group had gotten here. Hearing it had made him feel just the least littlest bit less homesick for the world the way it had been.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

They sat on the couch listening to music and eating the pizza. Daryl smirked at all Olivia's moans and groans of enjoyment as she scarfed down piece after piece. She hadn't lied—the girl could eat. And she was messy –got cheese and sauce and what not all over her shirt and face. And she didn't seem to care. It made him much less embarrassed about his own sloppy manners.

While they ate they talked -they'd had conversations before but never this in depth. They talked about things they missed-music. TV shows. Movies. Popcorn. Daryl found himself asking questions and answering questions without much hesitation. It was comfortable talking to Olivia. He found they liked a lot of the same movies and tv shows. He liked hearing her talk about where she'd traveled –all over the states and to Europe too. She liked hearing him talk about growing up in a small town and living in those type of towns all your life. That was a little touchy for Daryl to discuss-the fact that everyone had known him and his family but had a low opinion of them. He left that part out but felt like Olivia had picked up some of that at least.

He found himself telling her how much he loved being out in the woods. How calming it was to him, how he felt like he lost himself there and forgot everything and focused on tracking and hunting. How sometimes he spent hours just tracking a deer only to sit and watch it when he finally got near it. Not killing it, just enjoying the animal's strength and intelligence and grace.

The pizza gone, Olivia surprised him again with chocolate. She presented him with a king size Hershey bar with a small flourish. "Where the fuck ya get this? Carol said they keep the chocolate in the armory and they're stingy bout givin' it out," he mumbled, eagerly ripping the wrapper off and taking a large bite of the bar. He closed his eyes and nearly moaned. Christ. Chocolate. Before the world went to hell, he'd always kept a secret stash of chocolate with him. If he didn't have some chocolate sometime during the day he'd get pretty irritable. Merle used to tell him no drug addict was as weird about their habit as he was about his damn chocolate.

Olivia laughed gleefully. "I have my sources sir," she teased.

Daryl lifted a brow at her. "Damn girl. Marlboros, pizza, music and now chocolate. I'm gonna have ta keep an eye on ya," he teased back.

Olivia smiled watching Daryl gorge himself on the chocolate. "Well, there are advantages to knowing me I guess."

Daryl snorted. "I guess so. How come ya ain't got a line a folks bangin' on yer door?"

Olivia shook her head and laughed a little louder. "Because no one but you and me like Marlboros. Most people here definitely don't like our music. I don't dare tell anyone about my pizza-Deanna would put me to work in some sort of restaurant or something. And the chocolate is definitely my secret. Aaron and Eric are the only other people who know all my secrets. I make them pizza and Aaron gets me the cigarettes and chocolate." She shrugged happily. "Oh and the next time you go over for spaghetti at their house, I'm invited too."

Daryl frowned at her in confusion. "Huh?"

"I used to always eat spaghetti with them. We'd have dinner together a couple times a month. Sometimes they'd come over here when I made pizza. But when you started going over I stayed away. So you could get comfortable with them. And so you could all have a kind of guys only night."

Daryl snorted. "Ain't like we're playin' poker or drinkin' or anythin' like that," he muttered.

"I know. But I didn't want to crowd you. It takes a while for most people to get used to life here. And your group had been outside so long and been through so much…..I just thought it would be easier on all of you if you could ease into things." Olivia shrugged again and rubbed at a stray piece of cheese stuck to her chin.

Daryl nodded. "They tell ya 'bout the bike?" He felt an odd urge to brag about his bike. All his work on it. How he'd gotten it to run with bits and scraps. And for all that it was pieced together it didn't look too bad.

"Yes," Olivia yelped. "It's amazing. Aaron let me peek at it one day when you weren't around. It's a pretty sweet bike," she said, admiration evident in her voice and words.

"Wanna go for a ride?" Daryl surprised himself by asking her. Oddly, he didn't feel weird asking her either. He actually hoped she would say yes so he could show off his bike a bit.

"Really?" she whispered. She looked like a kid who was getting some big surprise. He rolled his eyes at her.

"Yeah. Wouldn't have asked just ta hear myself talk. When ya wanna go?"

Olivia jumped off the couch excitedly. "Can we go now? Please? Just a short ride?" She was practically hopping up and down. Daryl stood up beside her and smirked.

"Damn girl. Calm down. Just a bike ride. Around town. Ain't goin' outside the walls, so don't ask," he mumbled, but there was a note of suppressed excitement in his voice as well.

Olivia did hop up and down then, and Daryl snickered at the sight. "Ya ever been on a bike?" he teased.

"Oh yes. I got one in college. And then I had a Harley Davidson Softail Deluxe in Virginia when I was working out of Quantico. I had that when everything went to hell. But I was in DC with Deanna and Reg and couldn't get back to my apartment for my stuff and my bike." She frowned at the thought of her bike being left behind.

Daryl was impressed. The only bike he'd ever had was Merle's chopped '60s Triumph Bonneville. And that was long gone, left at the prison when it had fallen and he'd had to leave fast with Beth. Merle had always talked longingly of Daryl getting himself a good bike and them going on a road trip together. "Did ya ever take a road trip?" he asked.

"Oh yeah. I went cross country one summer between my junior and senior year at college. I was at school in California, and a couple friends and I rode out to Maine. Then followed the coast down to Miami." She smiled at the memory. "We took our time. Had the whole summer. Stopped at national parks and stuff. Took cheesy tourist pictures. Met some really nice people on the way. Maine was amazing. We could buy live lobsters right from the boats!" She closed her eyes and hummed at the memory. "The whole east coast was just…..amazing. Incredible. Beautiful," she sighed. "Some nights we just slept on the beach, built a bonfire and stayed up watching the stars. God," she sighed again, wistfully this time.

Daryl watched her, envied the happiness she felt. To have had a whole summer to travel at your own pace. See different states. See the ocean for fuck's sake. Here he was thirty-eight years old and the first time he'd been out of the fucking state of Georgia was just within the last year or so when his group had made their way to Alexandria.

"Well, c'mon then. Just runnin' ya round the town, no oceans or lobsters or any of that. But it's a bike ride." He motioned her to follow him and they headed toward the window to go out into the yard. He paused. "Best put some shoes on there," he pointed to her bare feet.

"Oh, right," Olivia blushed. She grabbed her boots from the mat by the front door and shoved her feet in them and laced them up. Standing up, she brushed her curls from her face and smiled again happily at him. He ran his eyes over her-old, pizza stained tshirt, some kind of pajama pants and boots. He shook his head in bemusement and smirked.

"C'mon. While it's still daylight," he mumbled and they stepped out the window and shut it behind them.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Halloween was on a Friday. The town had scheduled a little party at Deanna's house so the town's kids could have some semblance of life as it used to be. Some of the moms had baked cookies, there were cakes and pies. There weren't any costumes, no dunking for apples, but there was food and drinks and everyone was relaxed and happy.

Daryl sat on the front porch, watching folks go by with their kids and scowled. He'd always hated Halloween. Had no good feelings for any holiday really-it had just been another shitty day at his house. Couldn't even escape from the house to school because school closed for holidays. Not that school had ever held any joy for him either, but at least at school he didn't have to wonder when the fuck his dad was going to start in on him with the belt.

Rick and Carol and Michonne had asked him if he was going to Deanna's and he'd said no to each and every one who had asked. They knew him, they should have known he wouldn't go. Why the hell they insisted on pestering him about it he couldn't figure out. He'd finally snapped at Carol and told her to leave him the hell alone and stomped out the door. He hadn't gone far, just to the front steps. But still. She'd finally shut up about it and left him alone.

He felt a little guilty about snapping at her, but Christ. The woman had been getting on his last damn nerve for weeks now. He wasn't conscious of the fact that Carol had started annoying him about the time he'd started hanging out with Olivia. He didn't see the hurt and jealousy in Carol's eyes when she looked at him. He was a perceptive man, could read people easily. But he had been oblivious to what was going on with Carol because he'd been too wrapped up in what was going on with Olivia.

Everyone else could see what was going on between Daryl and Olivia. They felt badly for Carol, because it had been obvious since way back at the prison that Carol liked Daryl. In more than a just friends way. But Daryl had never seemed to return that feeling toward Carol. And then he'd been alone with Beth for a couple of months. And after her death even a fool could see that whatever had happened between Beth and Daryl while they'd been out there on their own, it had been enough to cause Daryl deep and unrelenting grief when she'd died.

They could also see that although Daryl was still grieving, he seemed better able to handle it now. Whatever was going on between Daryl and Olivia didn't matter, they were just glad he was getting some sleep, eating better, not quite so restless as he had been. They all knew he spent most nights when he was in town at Olivia's. All night some nights. And they knew he was teaching Olivia to shoot his bow as well as he'd actually let Olivia ride with him on his bike a few times. Once or twice he'd even let her drive, while he sat behind her.

Daryl sat smoking on the steps, thinking about the next run he and Aaron were going on in a few days. He looked up to see Aaron and Eric standing on the sidewalk.

"We're going to Olivia's for pizza. Would you like to come with us?" Eric asked politely.

Daryl grunted. "Thought y'all be at that damn party," he mumbled.

Eric laughed softly. "Oh no. Olivia hates Halloween. And Aaron and I aren't very fond of it either. We spend Halloween at her house-it's the farthest away from all the noise."

Daryl hummed and stood up. Shrugging he descended the stairs and fell in behind them as they turned and headed to Olivia's house.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

A Girl Like You…The Smithereens. ca 1989

I used to travel in the shadows  
And I never found the nerve to try and walk up to you  
But now I am a man and I know that there's no time to waste  
There's too much to lose

Girl, you say anything at all, and you know that you can call  
And I'll be right there for you  
First love, heartbreak, tough luck, big mistake  
What else can you do

I'll say anything you want to hear  
I'll see everything through  
I'll do anything I have to do  
Just to win the love of a girl like you, a girl like you

People talk and people stare, tell them I don't really care  
This is the place I should be  
And if they think it's really strange for a girl like you  
To be in love with someone like me

I wanna tell them all to go to hell  
That we're doing very well without them you see  
That's just the way it is and they will see  
I am yours and you are mine the way it should be

I'll say anything you want to hear  
I'll see everything through  
I'll do anything I have to do  
Just to win the love of a girl like you, a girl like you  
A girl like you, a girl like you, oh yeah

Now if I seem a little wild, there's no holding back  
I'm trying to get a message to you  
I won't take anything from anyone  
I won't walk and I won't run, I believe in you

London, Washington, anywhere you are I'll run  
Together we'll be  
Inside, outside, got my pride  
I won't let him take you from me

I'll say anything you want to hear  
I'll see everything through  
I'll do anything I have to do  
Just to win the love of a girl like you, a girl like you  
A girl like you, a girl like you  
A girl like you, a girl like you, oh yeah

I'll say anything  
I'll take anything  
I'll say anything  
Almost anything, except goodbye

I'll say anything  
I'll take anything  
I'll say anything  
Almost anything, except goodbye

They'd eaten the pizza, watched a movie that they could all agree on-Die Hard, the first and very best in Daryl's opinion. Then Olivia had asked if they wanted any dessert-she'd made brownies. They'd all said yes.

Aaron stood up and went to the stereo, pawing through the CDs. "What do you want to listen to?" he asked them.

"Dark Side of the Moon," Olivia answered before anyone else.

"You always want to listen to that," Eric teased. Olivia shrugged and Aaron put the CD in.

"You want me to put anything else in so it'll keep playing?" He asked, still looking over the CDs.

"What do you want to hear Daryl?" Eric asked.

Daryl flushed. Merle had never asked him what he wanted to hear or watch. He thought a minute. "Got any Allman Brothers?"

Olivia nodded. "Yeah, Best of the Allman Brothers Band is there somewhere," and she turned and smiled at Daryl. "What's your favorite song?" she asked.

"Hmmm, I like Whippin' Post," he mumbled. Then he realized what that damn song was about and wondered why the hell he'd ever listened to it, much less liked it. Christ.

Eric watched Daryl and Olivia and tried to quickly think of something happy they could all listen to. "Aaron, put the Valley Girl CD in," Eric whispered, nodding slightly in the direction of Olivia and Daryl. Aaron arched a brow and nodded and popped the CD in so it would play first. Hopefully he and Eric could sneak out soon and go home and leave Olivia and Daryl alone together. Maybe they'd finally kiss. Or do something. He and Eric had quizzed Olivia several times about what she and Daryl got up to when Daryl came over and Olivia had insisted that she and Daryl were just friends. But it was obvious to anyone who saw them together that something was going on between them even if they were too thick to see it themselves.

The first song, A Million Miles Away, started playing and Olivia perked up a bit. "Oh I love this soundtrack. I love the movie! That Julie girl is truly dazzling," she quoted and laughed in delight.

Eric and Aaron breathed a sigh of relief. Daryl frowned, listening to the music. "Ain't never heard this before. What is it?"

"Oh it's the best movie!" Olivia said in a rush. And launched into a rather convoluted and confusing explanation of Valley Girl. Daryl couldn't follow it, but he seemed to be enthralled with her explanation-nodding at appropriate times and encouraging her to continue with the explanation when she paused or faltered. Eric and Aaron looked at each other and smirked.

The music played and Olivia continued to gush over each song, explaining to Daryl where in the movie the song had played and why she liked it. Surprisingly to Eric and Aaron, Daryl continued to nod his head and listen attentively to Olivia.

"The stars must have aligned just right," Eric whispered to Aaron.

"Yes. We need to sneak out soon and leave them alone," Aaron whispered back.

Eric nodded approvingly. "Good. Maybe when the next song starts we can sneak out," he hissed.

Aaron nodded again. "One at a time. You go to the bathroom and slip out. Then I'll do the same. Hopefully they never notice," he whispered, keeping an eye on the still talking Olivia and the still nodding Daryl.

After a few more minutes, Eric got up and slinked to the bathroom making as little noise as possible. He climbed out the bathroom window and waited for Aaron. Shortly after, Aaron climbed out the bathroom window and closed it behind him. "What were they doing?" Eric asked.

Aaron smiled. "They were completely oblivious to the fact that you had left. That song she really, really likes is on the next CD. Maybe she'll sing it to him. You know she likes to belt that song out," and Aaron laughed, remembering the times Olivia had belted out various songs she liked when they'd been over. She had an okay voice, but her enthusiasm more than made up for any missed words or missed range.

"Oh, that song. That's a very romantic song if you listen to it. Hmmmmm," Eric replied, thinking of how Olivia and Daryl might react to that song. "C'mon. Let's go home and get some rest. Hopefully we'll get to hear something interesting tomorrow," and Eric grabbed Aaron's hand and started to hum the song he knew Olivia liked. Aaron started humming along with him and they headed home.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

The Valley Girl soundtrack ended and Olivia paused, looking around the room. "Where's Eric and Aaron?" she asked.

Daryl started and glance around the room. "Dunno. They leave?" Christ, how had he missed those two leaving? He'd never been one to listen to anyone describe a movie or book but for some reason he'd been completely wrapped up in Olivia's conversation.

Olivia opened her mouth to say something when her favorite song started. "Oh!" she yelped. "I love this song!" Daryl smirked. She'd said that about pretty much every song that had played. He'd never heard this song before, but he liked it already. Olivia started singing along with it, smiling. He started paying attention to the words. And it started making him think about Beth.

People talk and people stare, tell them I don't really care  
This is the place I should be  
And if they think it's really strange for a girl like you  
To be in love with someone like me

I wanna tell them all to go to hell  
That we're doing very well without them you see  
That's just the way it is and they will see  
I am yours and you are mine the way it should be

Yeah. That was how he'd felt when he'd been with Beth. He shouldn't have been thinking about her that way, but hell they'd been alone. Didn't know when they would ever again run into anyone else, much less their family. She had been young enough to be his daughter, but with the world gone to hell and the two of them alone it hadn't seemed to matter anymore.

The more he listened, the more he believed the song applied to him- he wasn't anyone that would ever look right with any decent woman. He was a redneck asshole. Not worth a damn. Hadn't been able to take care of Beth, keep her safe. Hadn't kept her from getting killed.

Daryl watched Olivia sing, and he realized that everyone probably wondered why the hell Olivia was bothering with him. They were so different. At least at first glance. But on the inside-he had learned in bits and pieces that they were remarkably similar on the inside. Beth had understood him, or tried to. Hadn't pitied him. Whereas Olivia sometimes felt almost like his twin.

He and Olivia had quickly fallen into the habit of anticipating what the other was thinking and finishing each other's sentences sometimes. He felt more comfortable with her now than he did with even Rick. He hadn't had any big confessional talk with her about his pa or ma or even Merle, but she seemed to sense intuitively part of what he'd been through and never pried or pressed for information.

Olivia looked at him, had stopped singing and was gazing at him as if she were trying to figure out what he was thinking. And Daryl was thinking of how much he wanted to kiss Olivia. How much he wanted to be brave enough to just take her in his arms and kiss her and then go to the bedroom and strip her clothes off and spend all night learning her body. How he'd once thought about kissing Beth and had hesitated. And then he'd lost her, then she died. And he'd never gotten to tell her how he felt. Never gotten to show her how he felt about her. He'd be damned if he'd let that happen again. He and Olivia had been dancing around each other for months now. That day she'd slapped him, he'd realized then how he felt about her. And then he'd chosen to ignore that and pretended that he didn't feel that heat around her. He'd be goddamned if he'd keep on pretending he didn't want her.

It had been a long, long time since he'd been with a woman. Well before he and Merle had headed for Atlanta for the so called safe zone. And he hadn't had a lot of experience before that. Drunken fucking in the back alleys of bars or in his truck. Sometimes a motel that he left well before morning. Never the same girl twice. No attempt at even a pretense of romance or finesse on his part or theirs. But he had the feeling that none of that would matter to Olivia.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

"What is it?" Olivia asked quietly. Daryl stood and began to pace anxiously.

"I don't like being touched," he started softly. "Ain't never been touched in a kind or caring way by nobody….cept for Beth. And that was something I had to work up to."

Olivia nodded. She wondered if he realized that they touched, not a lot, but still they did touch and he'd never flinched or jerked away from her. "Were you and Beth in love?"

Daryl sighed. "I don't know. Never got that far in talkin' bout it. Never had much to do with her til we got separated from everyone else when the prison fell. Then we were on our own a couple months. I got used ta her. She was a lot younger than me, only eighteen. Hadn't ever been around any girl alone that long. Sure not on a 24/7 basis. It was my job ta protect her and keep her safe." He fell silent, and Olivia watched the emotions play over his face.

"Anyway," he said after a few minutes silence, "when the prison fell, I just wanted to quit. Just fuckin' lay down and didn't care if the walkers got me or not. 'Cept I couldn't. Had Beth to watch out for. And every fucking day she'd start in on how good things could still happen. How we could still find our group and be together again. Pissed me off there for a while. Then one night we….I guess somehow she had made me trust her enough to tell her some stuff and even though I acted like a dick she ….she hugged me and told me we'd be okay."

His throat was tight but he made himself continue to talk. "After that, I looked at her different. Don't know that it was necessarily love. But I trusted her, I believed in her. I looked at her as the one good thing in my life then and that was the first time I'd had anything good in my life." Olivia saw tears run down his face, but he didn't seem to be aware he was crying. He cleared his throat. "Anyway, I fucked up and she got taken. And then when we finally found her….we finally had her with us, we could leave and all be together again…..she was shot. She died right there, in my arms. And I …I just can't stop thinking about how it was all my fucking fault. I didn't keep her safe. I didn't protect her. And I dream all the damn time about her getting shot and I never get to save her. Not even in my goddam dreams."

Daryl fell silent and sighed again, a sigh full of regret, recrimination and deep and unabating sadness. Olivia thought about this. From the little bits and pieces he'd revealed to her over the months, she knew his childhood had been a nightmare. Knew his years before the virus hit had been spent aimlessly trailing after his brother, never staying in any place too long. No steady job, no friends. No hope. No love. She'd seen many people who had a similar story in her practice and at the prisons she'd worked with. It was nearly a miracle that Daryl had survived in one piece his childhood, much less all those years with Merle. He could've been jailed, or killed any number of times. Olivia knew people like Daryl were tough to reach emotionally. Because they'd had to be to survive.

Olivia also knew that the fact Daryl was telling her any of this meant that in the past few years he'd come quite a ways in his ability to trust others. His relationships with his group was evidence of that. He reminded her of dogs rescued from fighting rings. Those dogs had been sorely mistreated but were loyal to the point of death to their owners. She knew Daryl hadn't been mistreated by Rick or anyone in their group, but she could tell Daryl thought of himself as their protector and placed the majority of the blame on himself for anyone who hadn't gotten here to Alexandria with them. And now he was slipping into being the protector of the entire community. She was surprised in a way that he hadn't snapped under the stress he'd put himself under.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Daryl cleared his throat and looked at Olivia. "So, I got problems with this," and he waved his hand at them, "ain't never been close to no one but my brother and then Beth for a little bit. Don't have a whole lotta experience in the sack. Sure wasn't ever no damn Romeo with women. Damn teenager probly has more experience than me." He fell silent, and Olivia could see he was flushed with embarrassment. But he had a stubborn set to his mouth that told her he was going to be open with her, no matter how embarrassed it made him feel.

"Okay," she said softly. "Well, I guess we're even in that respect. I've never been with anyone long term. Usually a couple of weeks or at the most a couple of months. At first it was because I was in college and didn't want the bother of being with someone distracting me from my classes and studying and all that. Besides, I saw the shit the girls I knew went through. Their boyfriends cheating on them, all the crying and drama." She shook her head. "I just didn't want any drama in my life or any distractions. Had enough of that with my own family." She paused, thinking.

"Then when I went to graduate school and then Quantico for training, the only men I was around were other students or teachers. And then coworkers. So I fucked around some, always being careful to emphasize it wouldn't lead to anything. I wasn't looking for a boyfriend. I just wanted to get laid." Daryl made a choking noise and Olivia frowned at him. "What? You think men are the only ones who want to do what they want when they want with no questions asked?"

Daryl shook his head. "Never thought bout it. Sure never had any gal say it like ya do."

Olivia laughed. "I bet. Most women are afraid to admit that they just want to have fun, nothing serious-because then they'll be called a bitch or a tease or some other shit. Anyway, there you have it. I've had sex, not as much as I'd have liked, but enough to know what I want and don't want. I never thought about a future with anyone. I liked my time alone. And there's a big difference between being alone and being lonely-I can entertain myself. I never had a problem going to dinner or movies or concerts or anything by myself. I don't need anyone with me."

Daryl nodded, now doubting himself and all his feelings of inadequacy rising up again. Not that they'd ever been too hidden. There was no reason in the world why a woman like Olivia who had had plenty of opportunities to be with some smart, handsome, wealthy man before all this shit had happened would now want to be with some redneck asshole piece of trash like him. Even if he was the last man on earth, she'd do better just by staying by herself.

Olivia watched Daryl quietly, gauging how he took everything she'd said in and processed it. She saw immediately that he was doubting himself and probably felt like a fool for opening up to her. That had been extremely brave for him, to make that move. And now she'd made him regret it.

Olivia stood up and grabbed Daryl's hand, pulling him beside her. "So, I don't need anyone with me. But maybe I want someone with me now. Maybe I want you with me now. If you think that's something you'd like too," she said softly and ran her hands up around his neck. "Maybe we could give this a try and see how we fit and how this might work?"

Daryl felt his chest tighten and he felt the heat coming off in waves from the both of them. He thought about what both of them had said. They were definitely both a mess. But he wanted to try to make something work with Olivia. He'd had enough of walking around feeling empty and alone and full of regrets. And he felt that Beth would be disappointed with him in the way he'd acted since she'd died. She'd told him there was still good in the world, she would have wanted him to still make an effort to find it and hold on to it even if it wasn't with her.

He looked at Olivia and felt instinctively that Olivia was who he should be with. They were like two halves of the same coin. He was comfortable with her, trusted her. And she was a strong woman, strong enough to dish his bullshit right back to him if need be.

"Let's go to bed" she said, her voice husky, her breath warm against his throat.

Daryl nodded and they went to the bedroom. Olivia pulled her jeans and tshirt off and threw them onto the floor. Naked, she slid onto the bed and rolled over to look at him. Daryl shed his jeans but left his shirt on. He crawled onto the bed to lie beside her, facing her. Daryl closed his eyes and inhaled the scent of Olivia's hair, her skin. She sighed and pulled him down and kissed him.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

They spent the rest of the night exploring each other's bodies. And unlike his few partners he'd had previously, Olivia expected equal and full participation from both of them. Daryl quickly learned that Olivia was not a woman who wanted or needed gentleness in bed. She was direct in letting him know without many words how she liked to be touched and where. She didn't hold back, wasn't hesitant or awkward in the way she touched and caressed him, in the way she kissed him. She was fierce and passionate in the way she used her hands and mouth on him. And she encouraged and urged that passion in him.

Towards dawn, lying on his back with Olivia at his side, Daryl sighed. An exhausted but contented sigh. Olivia raised up on her elbow and looked into his face. "Mmmmm, you sound tired," she teased.

Daryl smirked. "Ain't complaining," he rasped.

Olivia gave a soft laugh. "So I guess that's good, hmmmm?" and she ran her tongue along his neck and nipped lightly at his ear.

Daryl hummed. "Never thought fucking could be like this. Always felt like it was just somethin' ta get done with, like scratchin' a itch. Always wondered what the damn fuss was about." And he rolled over and trapped her beneath him.

Her large brown eyes gazed back at him and she smiled a teasing, wicked smile. "You haven't seen all my tricks yet," she teased into his ear. He bent his mouth to hers and kissed her deeply, almost savagely.

"Maybe I got some tricks of my own," he murmured against her neck, and she arched up against him impatiently. Her quick response to his words and touch made him feel kind of like he did when he was tracking and hunting in the woods. In the woods, he forgot how the world saw him, how he saw himself and he became someone else-better, confident, sure of his instincts, no doubts or second guessing. He lost himself in the trees and plants, the dirt and streams, the birds and other animals that lived in that world. He had always felt more at home out in the woods, away from people, than he did anywhere else. And now he felt at home with Olivia.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

They awoke curled up together, arms and legs wrapped around each other, tangled up in the sheets. Daryl guessed it was probably mid morning. He never slept this late. Yet he didn't feel the least bit guilty about it. Olivia sighed and shifted to her back and gazed up at him, smiling.

"Morning," she said softly. Daryl leaned in to her and kissed her neck softly, blushing at how goofy and giddy he felt lying here with her. Like he was a teenage boy with his first girl. Surprisingly he wasn't embarrassed, and there was no sarcastic hateful echo of Merle in his head.

"Gotta go do some stuff. Talk ta Aaron bout a run." He fell silent, uncertain what else to say.

"Okay," Olivia said smoothly, her voice soft. "If you'd like to come over when you're done, you're more than welcome to. You don't need an invite." Daryl nodded uncertainly. "Hey, I'm not going to start hounding you. Last night was amazing. I'd like to do that every night the rest of my damn life," and she laughed at the shocked look on Daryl's face. "But we're going to do whatever makes you comfortable. We're not joined at the hip or anything. You think about what you want, and let me know and we'll figure it out." Olivia reached up and kissed Daryl softly on the mouth. He continued to look at her with a dazed and confused expression on his face. "Why are you looking at me like that?" she asked, a bit puzzled.

"Just no one's ever asked me what I want bout nothin'" he rasped. "I don't think I know what I want," he mumbled, more to himself than to Olivia.

Olivia stood up and Daryl watched her naked body with a surge of desire shooting through him. Again.

"I'm going to the bathroom. Then I'm making something to eat. How bout we start with if you want to eat with me? That's easier to think about than what we want to do with the rest of our lives. We'll take small steps. How does that sound?" And she laughed happily and stepped into the bathroom and shut the door.

Daryl sat there a moment, dumbfounded. Then he quickly got out of bed and grabbed his pants and headed toward the other bathroom to clean up and dress. And eat with Olivia.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Daryl stepped into the group's house quietly. He felt like a robber or something, the way he was trying extra hard to be quiet. He didn't want to run into anybody and be subjected to an interrogation-where had he been all night? And then all the sly teasing he'd get from Rick or Michonne. This was too new for him to talk to anyone about it. He needed time to process everything that had happened before he could even begin to even try to explain it to anyone else. This was unfamiliar territory for him. He'd never spent a full night with any woman. He'd never opened up to any woman the way he had to Olivia. He'd never done most of what he'd spent the night doing with any woman. Not that they'd done anything bad or disgusting. Just that his past experience had been extremely limited.

He paused at the foot of the stairs to the bedrooms and smiled-his mind thinking about how soft her skin was, how amazing she smelled and tasted and sounded…and….and….

Carol had come to the doorway of the kitchen and stood gazing at Daryl –watching the different emotions play over his face, how his expression had softened and how deep a blue his eyes had become and the utterly goofy with joy smile he had on his face. And her heart broke. She knew he had been with Olivia and that whatever small chance she had hoped to have to be with Daryl was lost forever now.

Carol bit her lip, angry tears spilling down her cheeks. It wasn't fair. She had been the first one of all of them who'd shown Daryl any kindness, who'd told him over and over how good he was and how valued he was. She'd made his special foods whenever possible. She'd found cigarettes and other things she knew he'd like the very few times she'd been on runs. She'd saved all of them from being killed at that damn Terminus. And what had she gotten. Gee thanks Carol and a hug.

She couldn't compete with Beth-hell she hadn't even known she'd ever have to. But it was obvious from the moment she saw him again that something had happened between he and Beth. And then Beth had died, and how can you compete with someone once they've died. He'd carried his love for Beth around in him until they'd found her, and then when Beth died he'd continued to carry that love around in him. Never letting Carol heal him the way she knew she could. She could've made him happy. She just knew it. But no, he'd gone and fallen in love with that Olivia. Another woman who was everything Carol wasn't.

She must have made some noise. Daryl jerked in surprise and turned around to gaze at Carol. And he saw immediately what he'd missed all these long weeks. It was there written all over her face-her feelings for him. And he knew instinctively that it was all over his face where he'd been and who he'd been with and how he felt about that. He suddenly felt guilty for how he'd been treating Carol all these weeks. Avoiding her, snapping at her, impatient with her. He'd been hateful and cruel to her, and all she'd ever been with him was patient and kind and thoughtful.

Daryl hung his head in shame and felt his face flushing. "Carol," he started, so low she could barely hear him.

"No. There's no sense in talking about this. I've made a fool of myself. There's no reason for you to say anything. I'd rather we just don't ever talk about this. Ever," and before Daryl could say another word Carol turned and walked past him out the front door.

Daryl sighed and went up the stairs. He hated that he'd hurt Carol. At the same time, he didn't think he'd ever given her any hint or sign that he thought of her as more than a friend. At least he didn't think he ever had. And as badly as he felt about it, he knew that if he had it to do over again he would still pick Olivia instead of Carol to be with.

He walked up to his room and stood and stared at the sleeping bag on the floor and the backpack of clothes and his bow. And he realized he didn't want to be here. Not in this room. Not in this house. This wasn't his home. It never had been. And he sure didn't want to spend every day wondering if he was going to run into Carol in the hall or a room and have to see the hurt look on her face and feel like a real asshole constantly. So he picked up what little he had in the room and walked back down the stairs and out the door. He walked down the street towards Olivia's house and didn't look back.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Olivia heard knocking on her front window and saw Daryl standing outside with his crossbow and a duffle bag. She opened the window and smiled. "Hey. Didn't expect you back so soon. What a nice surprise," and she reached out her hand to take the duffel from him.

Daryl stood there silently, unsure what to say to her. It had seemed like a good idea back at the house to just bring his stuff over here. He hadn't thought about whether or not Olivia would want him moving in with her. He moved restively, staring down at his feet, unsure of himself and regretting his haste. Before he had time to work himself into pacing, Olivia laid a hand on his arm and pulled him into the living room. Setting the duffel bag down, she wrapped her arms around him and kissed him softly on the cheek. Daryl sighed into her hair and clasped her to him fiercely.

They stood like that a few minutes, Olivia giving him time to calm down and think of what he wanted to do or say. She softly stroked his hair and murmured soothingly as he held her. She felt the tension slowly ease from him. "It's okay? That I brought my stuff here?" he whispered against her neck.

Olivia pressed him closer to her and kissed his neck. "Yes. Of course. For as long as you want."

Daryl hugged her tighter. "As long as I want?" he whispered uncertainly.

Olivia pulled back and took his face in her hands, so that he looked her in the eyes. "Forever. If that's what you want," and she kissed him softly on the lips.

Daryl nodded and clasped her to him as if he were drowning and she was the only thing keeping him from going under.

"Hush now. We'll figure it out. You're safe here. We'll get it all sorted out," and she kissed him softly on the cheek. "Come, we'll put your stuff away and go sit by the pool or go for a walk or something," and she pulled away slightly and led him into the bedroom to put what little he had away.

Evening found them sitting by the pool in their regular chairs, smoking and talking. Nothing important, just everyday normal things. Olivia wanted Daryl to feel comfortable, to view this as just another step in adjusting to a life in Alexandria. She thought about asking Rick and Michonne to bring the kids over one night for dinner so Daryl would feel he was still part of their family even if he wasn't living in the same house as them. She had been surprised to see him standing on her lawn with his belongings, but at the same time she'd half expected it to happen soon. She knew he didn't feel comfortable in the house with Rick and his group, and she had a feeling it had a lot to do with Carol. She'd picked up on some things he'd said that gave her the idea Daryl was uncomfortable with how Carol felt about him and had been for far longer than she herself had known him. Probably before he and Beth had been on their own.

He had been quiet most of the day, and she knew he was feeling guilty about Carol-hurting her feelings. She didn't ask him anything about it, when he was ready he would tell her. She could wait. In the meantime she tried to let him take his time getting used to the idea of living with her in the house-just her. That alone would be daunting for most people, but to someone like Daryl who'd never lived with a woman before much less a woman he was for want of a better word in a relationship with-well, it would be overwhelming in the best of circumstances. Olivia knew she was going to have to watch her temper because she was sure he would be losing his on a pretty regular basis due to frustration and uncertainty and self doubt.

She started at the sound of someone knocking and then calling her name. "We're out here on the patio!" she called. Daryl sighed and slouched further down in his chair, a scowl on his face.

Aaron stepped out onto the patio and Daryl relaxed a bit. "Hey. I wondered if we could talk about our next run. Work out where we want to go and that stuff," he said to Daryl.

Olivia stood up and waved Aaron to her chair. "Here, sit down. I need to go out for a few minutes anyway. You guys take your time," and she walked into the house leaving Daryl staring after her open mouthed.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Olivia jogged over to Rick's house. While Daryl was busy with Aaron, she wanted to let Rick know where Daryl was so they wouldn't wonder where he'd gone to. As she walked toward his house, she saw Rick and Michonne on the front porch steps watching Carl play with Judith in the grass.

"Hi," she said cheerfully. Rick and Michonne smiled up at her. "Um, I just wanted to let you know that Daryl brought his stuff over and he's going to hang out with me for a while," she said, blushing furiously. She'd never had to explain herself to anyone, certainly not like this. Still, it was the polite thing to do. It was the adult thing to do. She wanted Daryl's friendship with Rick and that group to stay intact.

Rick and Michonne looked at each other and back at Olivia, surprised. "When did this happen?" Rick asked quietly.

"Um, today. He's at the house talking to Aaron about their next run, and I thought I'd just let you guys know so you wouldn't think he'd run off outside the wall somewhere," she explained, turning even more red if that were possible.

Rick nodded and Michonne smiled at Olivia. "Well, okay. That's nice of you to let us know. He hasn't really been around here too much lately so I kinda figured this would be happening sooner or later." Rick sighed, thinking this explained Carol's quiet anger this afternoon and her shutting herself in her room this evening. He'd known that was coming too-even if there was no Olivia, Daryl and Carol would never have been together. He could see Daryl's feelings weren't the same for Carol as hers were for him. It wasn't anybody's fault.

"I hope you guys can come over one night for dinner. Bring the kids please. We won't make it anything special, maybe just grill out on the patio. It's cooler now, we can make a fire in my firepit out back and please ask any of the others in your group that you think would like to come over. I'll ask Aaron and Eric."

Rick nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah, that's a good idea. I'll talk to Glen and Maggie and everyone else tomorrow. Maybe in a couple of days? That'll give us a chance to talk about some other stuff too-like reinforcing the wall and expanding the watches and stuff." Olivia nodded.

"Great, I'll talk to Aaron and Eric tomorrow. I'd better get back to the house for now. Thanks Rick. Thanks Michonne," and Olivia turned and started back to her house.

Rick looked at Michonne. "That explains a lot right there," he murmured.

Michonne nodded. "Yep. And I bet Carol won't be going to that dinner either," and she frowned as she turned to watch Carl and Judith.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

As Olivia walked down the next street over, she noticed Sam sitting on his porch. Sam was Jessie and Pete's youngest boy. Her senses immediately went on alert. She didn't like Pete. She'd expressed her worries to Deanna and Reg repeatedly but they had disregarded her warnings. Which she thought was amusing in a bad way-they said they valued her opinions since she had worked for the FBI and had done some profiling work but they completely ignored her when she told them Pete had the signs of being abusive to his family. Deanna kept emphasizing Pete was the town's only doctor. Which Olivia had argued about repeatedly-if he abused his family what was to prevent him from abusing patients? In Olivia's experience, the longer an abuser went without reprimand or some type of sanctions against his actions, the worse he or she would become. The abuse would become more severe and more open.

Olivia had been watching Pete for pretty much the entire time he'd been in the town. She hadn't been able to actually catch him in the act of yelling or hitting his wife or kids. And she knew better than to try and question Jessie or the boys-they were afraid of Pete and wouldn't say anything against him. So she'd been watching as best she could. And she'd already decided that when and if she ever caught him, he was going to get the shit beat out of him. Somebody needed to teach him a damn lesson. The logical part of her knew that she shouldn't do that-he should be jailed and formally held accountable for his actions. But the emotional side of her didn't care what anybody else thought or wanted-Pete was a miserable bully and the world was different now and people like Pete needed to be dealt with harshly and quickly.

Her pulse quickened as she approached Sam and saw he was crying. "Hey, Sam. Anything I can help with?" And she sank down quietly on the step below him. Sam shook his head, a look of overwhelming sadness and helplessness on his face. Olivia clenched her jaw angrily. That asshole. Whatever was going on Sam knew about it and was outside here all alone.

Olivia stood decisively and stepped up onto the porch and approached the door. "Don't" Sam cried out anxiously. "Dad don't want anybody bothering him when he and mom are…..talking," he stammered out. I bet, Olivia thought.

She turned and knocked loudly and firmly on the door. She could faintly hear someone, probably Jessie, crying inside. Then she heard loud footsteps approaching the door, Pete probably stomping around in a temper she thought. She stepped back a bit and braced herself for whatever he might do.

The door flung open and Pete stood there disheveled, blood spots on his shirt, his fist looked red and a bit swollen. She could smell the alcohol coming off him in waves. "What the fuck do ya want?" he snarled.

Olivia felt her temper getting the best of her. She needed to keep her mind clear if she was going to take care of Pete in a way that would force Deanna to take some action against him. "I saw Sam on your steps and he looked upset. I wondered if there was anything I could do to help," she said, forcing herself to keep her voice calm and low.

"Why don't you just trot on home, you nosy bitch. No one asked for you to stop by here. No one needs your help," and Pete slammed the door shut. Or would have if Olivia hadn't inserted her booted foot into the doorway. She kicked the door back, causing Pete to stumble backward and fall against a table in the hallway.

Olivia stepped into the hallway and peering toward the living room saw Jessie sitting in a chair crying, her face red and swollen. "Jessie, do me a favor and step on out onto the porch with your son Sam please," Olivia said in her best FBI don't fuck around with me voice. And it worked. Jessie responded automatically to the authority in Olivia's voice and stood and headed to the front door.

"Jessie, get your ass back in there, we aren't finished talking yet," Pete yelled and Jessie halted indecisively, cowering in the doorway of the hall to the door.

Olivia looked at Pete, disgust clearly on her face. "You're wrong there Pete. Your talk with Jessie is done. Your ass is going to jail, and you're staying there until I can convince Deanna how to handle this. I don't give a fuck if you're the last doctor in the world, that doesn't give you free reign to beat on your family. Christ knows what else you've been up to," Olivia spat out. She grabbed Jessie and pushed her toward the doorway, keeping an eye on Pete.

Pete lunged toward Jessie and Olivia knocked him back and then kicked him in the gut. He went down moaning. Jessie ran out the door and pulled Sam with her to the lawn. "Go get Rick and Michonne," Olivia yelled out the door toward Jessie.

She turned back to Pete, and watched him try to get back onto his feet. She kept just out of his reach. "You bitch, who the fuck are you to tell me what to do," he growled, still trying to get his breath and regain his feet.

"Just shut up Pete. You weak, pathetic piece of shit," Olivia said quietly. Her anger had quickly evaporated once Jessie was out of the house. Now all she felt was disgust as she watched Pete wobbling and stumbling trying to regain his footing. Jessie could have just pushed the asshole down and locked him out of the house or in a room or anything…..as drunk as he was it would have taken very little to throw him off balance. She shook her head, amazed as always at how women rarely tried to defend themselves even in circumstances where they could easily do so.

Olivia had tried to talk Deanna into having self defense classes for the entire town, not just shooting but fighting and defensive moves for everyone. Basic stuff that all of them should know. But Deanna had put her off, insisting they were all safe, no need for any classes like that. She was going to insist when she talked to Deanna that they have those classes. If Jessie had known even some of that she would've been able to defend herself and her boys from that asshole she was married to.

Pete staggered to his feet and took a step toward her. Out of sheer meanness Olivia quickly kicked his feet out from under him again and then kicked him as hard as she could in his side. She then grabbed his hair and leaning over whispered in his ear. "If you have any goddam sense in that head of yours, you'll lie here and keep still until Rick and Michonne get here you sorry fuck," she hissed. Then she stepped back over to the doorway to wait for Rick and Michonne.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

Daryl sat on the patio, wondering where the hell Olivia had gone to. Aaron had left not long ago, and he'd expected Olivia to be back before Aaron left. He stubbed his cigarette out and decided to go walk around and see where she'd gone to.

He started up the street towards his old house and saw a few people standing on the lawn in front of Jessie and Pete's house. He didn't like Pete. Something about the guy gave him the creeps. Squinting, he saw Jessie and Sam, Carol, Michonne, Rick and Pete and Olivia. What the hell?

He sped up into a jog and came up beside Olivia on the lawn. Pete's face was banged up and he saw to his surprise Rick had cuffed Pete. Michonne and Carol had their arms around Jessie and Sam, and he could see Jessie's face looked banged up as well. He shot a look at Olivia. "What the fuck is goin' on?" he rasped, running his gaze over her quickly to check for any bruises or cuts on her.

Olivia frowned. "Caught Pete beating Jessie, and I stopped it," she whispered back. Daryl opened his mouth, but Olivia held up a hand to shush him. "I'll explain at home," she said quietly. Daryl snapped his mouth shut. She was using her FBI voice on him. He'd teased her about that a few times, but he knew when she talked like that something serious was going on and she didn't want to be distracted. He respected that, could understand it. It was how he felt when he was tracking-he didn't want any distractions, he needed to concentrate.

Daryl stood beside Olivia, his arms crossed over his chest, his eyes taking everything in. From what he could see, Olivia was telling Rick what she wanted done with Pete, not asking his opinion. And Rick seemed to be listening to her and agreeing. Apparently Rick didn't like Pete either. Daryl thought that had something to do with Pete's wife. Daryl thought he'd seen something there when Rick and Jessie looked at each other the few times he'd been around the both of them. There was definitely a lot going on here to think about later.

As he gazed around his eyes caught Carol's and he shifted uncomfortably at the sudden hurt and anger on her face. He sighed. Christ. Could he not just ever be happy without something ruining it? As he stood brooding, Olivia touched his arm softly and nodded toward their house. "Let's go home," she murmured. He nodded and they linked hands and headed back to their house.

As they strolled back to Olivia's house, they missed the looks from the others that had been standing on the lawn. Carol clenched her fists and led Jessie and Sam back into their house-straightening the mess Pete had made of the things would help work out some of her hurt and anger. Rick and Michonne gave each other a look of surprise that turned to concern at the look of hurt on Carol's face.

"Is there a full moon or something?" Rick mumbled to Michonne as they led Pete toward the jail.

Michonne smirked. "If it's not it sure should be," she mumbled back and they both shook their heads at the events of the evening.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

At home, Daryl followed Olivia out to the patio and they sat down. He waited patiently for Olivia to tell him what had happened. When at last she did, he was surprised at himself. He wasn't angry with her for confronting Pete. He wasn't angry with her for doing so alone. He found he wasn't in the least bit upset or anxious or nervous for her having done any of this. In the time he'd spent with Olivia she had shown him she was more than capable of taking care of herself. What he did feel was pride. Pride that his girlfriend for lack of a better word, was a strong, smart, tough woman that could and did kick ass of anyone who got in her way. It was incredibly sexy to him.

Olivia looked at him in confusion. "Why do you have that goofy grin on your face Daryl?" she asked, laughing. "I mean, you look incredibly cute, but what are you grinning like the cat that ate the canary for?" She laughed again at his look of chagrin.

"I don't know," he said, blushing furiously, shrugging. "I just….I wish I'd been there to see ya kicking that asshole's ass," he mumbled. When he looked up at her, she was surprised at the desire in his eyes.

"Oh," she sighed. "That turn you on then? The idea of me kicking some guy's ass?" she teased.

Daryl shifted restlessly in his chair. "Yeah," he finally admitted. "Guess that shows how fucked up I am," he mumbled, embarrassed.

To his surprise, Olivia laughed. "Nothing fucked up about that at all, Daryl. Why don't you show me how turned on you are?" And she stepped over to where he sat and sat down on his lap, facing him, her legs spread. Taking his hand she placed it on her thigh and leaned over and kissed him roughly on the mouth.

"Jesus girl," he moaned against her mouth. Olivia moved herself against his swelling cock in his jeans and sighed. "Fuck," he sighed and moaned again. He stood up, holding her against him, her legs wrapped around his waist, and carried her inside to the bedroom.

He lay her down softly on the bed and stretched out beside her. He leaned over her and kissed her again. Olivia fumbled with his shirt and he froze. "What is it?" she asked.

Daryl lay his hand on hers. "Don't like to take my shirt off," he mumbled, not meeting her eyes. Olivia frowned in concern.

"If all the lights are off, would that be better?" she asked softly.

Daryl bit his thumb anxiously, then nodded slightly. He stood up and turned off the bedside lamp Olivia had left on earlier. The room wasn't completely pitch dark, but it was dark enough that he knew she wouldn't be able to see his back. He could hear her shedding her clothes, and he slowly shed his as well. He slid into bed beside her and felt hesitant now, anxious about her being able to feel the scars on his back even though she couldn't see them. He felt more completely exposed now than he'd ever felt with any woman, than he'd felt the previous night with her.

Olivia reached out and found Daryl's hand as he lay on his back beside her. She could feel the anxiety coming off him in waves. He hadn't been like this last night, but he'd had his shirt on all night. So she could only assume there was something he was ashamed of, upset about to do with his back. From her experiences at Quantico, she could only guess what that might be and she guessed he had scarring from beatings or cigarette burns that he didn't want anyone to see. She'd seen that far too often in people who'd been abused as children. Some people showed the scars off almost proudly, as if to say look at what they'd survived. For others the scars were a source of humiliation, of proof that they were indeed worthless individuals.

She leaned against his side and pressed a kiss to his shoulder. "I shouldn't have pushed you. I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking. If you feel more comfortable with your shirt on, please put it on," she whispered.

Daryl shook his head. "No. I don't want to hide it no more. Not from you," he whispered back. He rolled away from her and taking her hand placed it against his back. "M dad beat me. And my brother. And other shit. Merle didn't even know how bad it'd been with me." He fell silent as Olivia's hand moved softly over his back, pausing here and there over particularly bad scars. He shook and flinched as she touched him, not from pain but from remembered pain and the deep shame he felt from knowing his parents had thought so little of him. How could anyone else ever think he was worth anything at all if his own parents had treated him worse than most folks would treat their own dog?

Olivia slid closer to Daryl and wrapped her arms around his waist, laying her cheek against his back and they lay there quietly as she let him get used to the idea of being completely vulnerable in every way now to her.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Daryl woke to find himself lying on his side, his head on Olivia's chest. One of her hands was curled in his hair, the other lay on top of his hand lying on her stomach. He blinked sleepily and felt her fingers slide through his hair soothingly. She kissed the crown of his head softly and squeezed his hand. He realized with surprise he felt utterly safe and at ease for the first time he could remember. He blew out a soft sigh and Olivia patted his hand again. He felt no urge to move whatsoever from his present position and made a sound that resembled a purr.

Olivia let out a small laugh. "Comfortable?" she teased softly. Daryl nodded against her chest. "Me too. I could lie here like this for hours," she continued and then dropped another light kiss on the crown of his head. "But I want to talk to you about something I've been thinking about. All this stuff with Pete just made me think about it some more while you were sleeping."

Daryl raised up on an elbow and looked down at her. Dawn was just arriving, throwing a very faint light through the curtains. He frowned, wondering what she'd been thinking about all night.

"Listen," she said, "I've tried and tried to get Deanna to let me teach some basic self- defense classes here. And she keeps putting me off. If Jessie had known even some of the most basic ways to evade Pete and defend herself, a lot of what happened tonight could have been avoided. He was drunk, it would've been easy for her to knock him off his feet and get away from him." She sighed impatiently. "But I can't get Deanna to see the need for it. She keeps saying we're safe here. Jessie wasn't safe. Who knows what else is going on in some of these houses?"

Daryl nodded, listening carefully. "Yer right, she ain't gonna listen. And I told ya from the start I didn't think this place was safe. No one here pays attention to shit, they weren't guarding the wall enough til we got here. What do ya wanna do?"

Olivia smiled at him. "I want to leave." Daryl started.

"What do ya mean, leave?" he asked quietly.

Olivia laid a hand on his cheek. "I want to leave here," she said. "I don't feel safe here. Too many people not paying attention and I don't want to get killed because somebody else makes a mistake. I think your group, and Aaron and Eric and maybe Jessie and her boys need to head out, go north." Daryl nodded for her to continue. "It's November. Snow will come soon in the mountains, so if we're going to leave it needs to be soon. We could go up to New York, upstate. In the mountains. There's all sorts of abandoned resorts and cabins up there. We could find a place to stay for the winter and then maybe go somewhere else in the spring if we didn't like where we were." She paused, and realized she'd been talking ninety to nothing, barely taking a breath. Daryl was looking at her with a smirk on his face, but she knew it wasn't a smirk like he thought she was silly or dumb. He looked like he agreed with her and liked the idea.

"How long ya been thinkin' bout this?" he rasped. He felt an odd surge of pride toward her. She was definitely not like any woman he'd ever met. And that made her even sexier in his eyes.

"Since not long after I got here. With any new group that moved here, I'd listen to what they said about what was going on outside the walls. Your group had the most information. And when I was at Quantico they used to talk about worst case scenarios, end of the world exercises. And we were always told to go away from any big cities or more populated areas. Go to the mountains, and up north or out west. Easier to hide in the mountains in case of some invasion or some catastrophe. And I think if we're someplace cold it might slow down or stop the walkers. At the very least the snow will make them easier to spot."

Daryl laid his hand on her shoulder and ran his thumb softly over her skin. "I think yer on ta somethin'. I think we need ta talk ta Rick. Aaron and me are goin' on another run in two days. I'll make sure we cover some areas we ain't been ta yet, see what's goin' on out there. But I think yer right, we need to leave soon if we're gonna do this," and he leaned over and kissed her on the cheek and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer to his chest. They lay there side by side in silence, each thinking over all the possibilities ahead of them.

A/N This is my stopping point for this particular story for the time being. Starting my fifth week of training in my new job this coming Monday and it is going to be four weeks of insane stress for me. So until I feel more comfortable in this new venture, this story will be dormant. Hopefully I get the hang of things quickly and get back to my scribbling shortly. Thanks in advance for all the wonderful reviews I've gotten and for your continued patience in following this and my other stories.


	29. Chapter 29

May 9, 2016

Hello readers! I just wanted to first apologize for having been so tardy in posting new chapters to my stories the last couple of weeks. I do have an explanation though…

Another writer on this site and on Archive Of Our Own-she goes by both Mistyeye and bubblesbromleigh-and I are collaborating on a novel. This is not a fanfiction novel, but is in fact a fiction novel taking place in England during WWII. The inspiration for the novel was Norman Reedus-we are both fans of his beyond TWD and began bouncing ideas off each other as to what type of role would let him really show off his acting chops.

This novel is the result of our brainstorming and collaboration. We have a page on FB-MistyKat Productions, have started a GoFundMe page for startup and research expenses and hope to have our novel published as an ebook by December of this year at the latest.

I hope you can visit our FB page and like and share it with your friends. I'll be posting more regularly hopefully to my works already in progress here on Fanfiction and as always I am grateful for your reviews, suggestions and encouragement and your patience while waiting for updates.

Fingers crossed!


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